C'est ma vie

A Flop

Well, our first week of vacation is coming to an end. In two hours, we go get the kids and then we take them to E's mom's this weekend. After that, only Monday, Tuesday, Wed. and it's back to school and the crazy rush and routine. Actually, I kind of strike off Tuesday because Alice and I have Dr. appointments, to really we only have Monday and Wednesday left.

Let's see what I wanted to do during the vacation: grade papers, read for my class, organize my classes a little more, sew a lot, knit, organize a little around here and relax. Most of the vacation I consider a flop because most of those things didn't get done. I chalk it up to the fact that I really didn't start feeling better from that whole bronchitis thing until yesterday, so I was much less productive. But, I also chalk it up to the fact that it's just impossible to manage my time how I want when E is around. I know it's selfish, but I was really disappointed when his uncle canceled the whole trip to work on his family genealogy stuff. The little time I have for myself is usually reserved for after the kids go to bed and by then, I'm so tired that I just want to go to bed. I was really looking forward to having 'me' time this week, but that's just impossible with E here. Why? Well, no matter how much I try and change his mind, he feels that my hobbies should be reserved for the 'me' time at night and not during our time during the day when we could be productive doing other things. Problem is, I'm just too tired then to do anything. Every time this week I've sat down to do something like read or sew, E says 'Andie, I thought we were going to be working on our house, this is our last vacation before we'll have the house, we need to get moving.' I totally agree with this statement, but I really didn't see the need to have that as our one and only priority. It ended up being a clash of priorities and then it got that if I did anything else besides working on the house and planning our upcoming move, I would feel guilty. Yesterday I was on Facebook and E walked in and I felt as if I had gotten caught with my hand in the cookie jar. I wasn't supposed to be on my computer, I was supposed to be 'working.' At the same time, I felt worry for E because he really was trying to get us both motivated to work on the house and somewhere I really think he needs to feel like he's accomplished something to feel good and he doesn't feel good right now because he feels like we've done nothing to get prepared for buying this house. If we're both on the same page, we can be really productive, if we're not, well, we both end up being very aimless- E needs motivation from me and since I usually am trying to sneak in a couple rows of knitting, or some sewing, or checking the computer instead of motivating him and us to work on the stuff that should be worked on together (and all the while feeling guilty about it so not really getting anything done myself), we have ended up walking in circles this week. Had E been gone, 10 times as much would have been accomplished. I would have made time for everything in blocks of time. Anyway, I'm not too happy about the whole thing and how we ended up spending our vacation. Still have to read for class. Still have papers to grade and the sewing, oh my, I haven't gotten nearly as much in as I had hoped. The daycare will be closed November 30 and A and I will be hanging out at home that day, so hopefully I can get some stuff in then. And, I'll just have to force myself at night despite the fatigue.

But, one good thing that has come out of this vacation is: I am going to the US in February! It was an idea that had been at the back of my mind. Then, we got all into the house thing and I knew that our whole family wouldn't be able to make it over there for another couple of years. I also thought we'd be spending most of our school vacations at the house. A couple days ago I was a little down because I have my brothers and sister and sIL in the US, lots of good friends and connections that I feel I'm missing here, and we can Skype all we want, but it still doesn't give us hours to sit and talk or hang out. I was telling this to E yesterday and he said "Why don't you go back to the US? One plane ticket we can come up with the money for, it's just 5 that we can't afford" Since Alice is still basically a free trip, she and I will be traveling at the end of February for a week and a half. I am really looking forward to this, getting to see my siblings and stay with them, getting to do the things that I can't always do when it's the whole fam traveling and seeing lots of friends. We paid a little more for the plane ticket than I would have liked, but I know it will be worth it and I can't think of a better way of spending vacation than in Tulsa with all the people I love!  

Another Xmas gift done

Another Xmas gift done, originally uploaded by afoos.

I'm really trying to be productive this week, but it's hard when both E and I have felt under the weather, getting over being sick.

I did manage to make this bag yesterday for my super cool niece, Aurélie. I really like how it turned out, even though I feel like I did kind of a sloppy job.

Going to try and get some more sewing in today, along with cleaning the house. I can't believe the school vacation is half over (boo hoo!). If I got anything from it, it was relaxing time, lots of naps and cuddling with the kids, so that was worth it, but it sure would be nice going into the next stressful 6 weeks with a clean house.

My 9 month old

My 9 month old, originally uploaded by afoos.

It's official, Alice is as old as the amount of time I carried her. Why does pregnancy seem SO slow, but our babies grow up in the blink of an eye?

I am really trying to cherish these moments because I know that our baby days really are nearing an end.

Alice continues to be such a smiley girl, full of life. She loves being around people and observing the world around her. She loves going to the daycare, seeing her friends and her caregivers, and she loves watching Gab and Louise do their crazy things.

I am under the impression that her bottle days might be coming to an end. She's showing more of an interest in yogurt than in milk. She is a very good eater and will eat just about any vegetable purée, any type of compote or applesauce. As for meat, we haven't really put much meat into her diet yet. It's coming, slowly, but we're not in a rush.

She sleeps averagely at night. Sometimes she'll wake up super early, sometimes, she'll sleep until 7:30, if we're lucky.

Little Alice has two bottom teeth, and her top teeth are starting to break through. She usually suffers when teething, more than Gab and Louise ever did, so we usually break out the Tylenol on those occasions. She continues to have frequent colds and we might see a specialist if her wheezing doesn't clear up by the time she's 1, but it doesn't seem to affect her sleep or appetite, so that's a good sign.

Happy 9 months Ali! We love you and are so glad you are part of our family, little one!

Just another Parisian antecdote, the Psycho Neighbor

About a year ago, we were thrilled when we saw our new neighbors from the floor just under ours move in. They had a daughter exactly Gab's age named, of all things, Louise, and the mom was expecting another girl around the time I was due with Alice. I had great hopes for future playdates.

As time went on, we struggled with our new neighbors. Not only were they Parisian 'introverted' (as in, we're lucky if we get a 'bonjour'), but shortly after Alice was born and shortly after their baby was born, they started coming to complain about the noise level in our apartment. At that time, I do have to admit that Gab and Louise were a little noisy, they got up way earlier (6 at times) and wanted to play. So, I could understand the complaints and since then, we have made efforts with the kids to make less noise. Besides the occasional late bedtime because of school vacation where the kids are heavily into playing pirates and dragons, thus, making a significant amount of noise, resulting in the presence of our neighbor at our doorsteps, we have had fewer complaints. And, we have even gotten to the point where we are able to chat with the wife from time to time if we see her on the way out of the school or coming home from work.

Enter today. E let me sleep a little later and got up with the kids. I didn't hear a peep and since you can hear everything in this apartment, that's pretty much saying to me that the kids were quiet. The only 'noise' I remember is Gab having a WWIII nuclear meltdown around 8:45 because he didn't want to wear Louise's orange socks with his orange Halloween shirt. But, hell, I can't really prevent that. What am I supposed to do, put a muffler over his mouth? Actually, to be quite frank, I was just saying to myself the other day how much calmer the kids have been, especially since we've been on our routine where we have to get up at 7, get dressed, have breakfast, to go school etc... 

Then, I hear ring, ring, ring, at our door. It's our neighbor. She had her baby all strapped in the Maclaren, so I figured she was going to come out of her Parisian shell and ask me to watch her or something. I was totally unprepared for what was coming next, "Could you PLEASE make less noise, your kids were incredibly loud this morning and my husband, who works for the metro, works all night and gets home at 4 a.m. and is trying to sleep" She went on to say that because of us, she sent her 5 year old daughter away for the week to her grandmother's just so she could get some sleep, that because of us, they haven't slept at all since they've lived here, that because of us, her husband is lashing out at her for lack of sleep, that because of us, the neighbor from the 10th floor (the one above ours) has to come her (8th floor) to complain and she had to be honest and say that it's us (9th floor) and not her kids. She also said I should probably talk to the pediatrician about the kids waking up at 7 and that I really need to do something about their fits and their fighting because it's wreaking havoc on her family. Oh, and the washer, if possible, shouldn't be launched until after 10 on the weekends. 

We have been making an effort with the kids and they have been really quiet, in fact, E and I have been a lot more zen, they have been more zen. Of course they fight, they bug each other, they have meltdowns, but we honestly cannot help that. We do our best, but we can't eliminate all the noise. The way E and I have always seen it is, you make a choice to live in an apartment in Paris, everyone should do their part to respect one another, but you also have to be tolerant of a minimum of noise, because noise is inevitable when you live in such tight quarters. If you don't like it, go elsewhere. Also, it's not our fault that her husband sleeps during the day and is awake at night. 

I did have a hard time getting upset with her, though, because she is nice and she went about it in a nice way, even though the things she was saying were a little far fetched. E and I's take on it is her husband is griping because he can't sleep and she feels like she needs to blame it on something, so she turns to us. Gab's fit (because that's the only noise I can think of this morning) probably woke up her husband and he started complaining. 

Time to get those mufflers out...but honestly, I don't see how we can be any quieter.  

Sickly Saturday

All through the night Friday, I kept waking up with a pounding head and chills. When I woke up Saturday morning at 6, on my own, I knew I had a fever, and the thermometer confirmed it: 103.

I was sure it was H1N1. Especially since the daycare called me Friday night to inform me that there has been a confirmed case in the baby section, so I needed to keep a watch over Alice. And, especially since half of my students have been absent from school with unknown illnesses. And, especially since my symptoms matched those of an e-mail list my mom sent entitled "The differences between a common cold and H1N1".

I knew right away that we all needed to be started on Tamiflu. So, I called my MIL, a doctor, and asked her what I should do. She said I needed to see a doctor. We are still carless, so taking the metro all the way across town to our doc was out of the question. E is always hesitant to call the housecall doctor service because we are only reimbursed half of the visit from our insurance (meaning we have to pay 25, which still doesn't seem much to me, especially in an 'emergency' situation), so he reluctantly agreed for me to call. 

Within 30 min., a doc was here and he said that all I had was a bad case of bronchitis and possibly a sinus infection. Whew. No flu. A relief. So, we started on antibiotics, an expectorant, and tylenol. I've been really tired and off and on achey. And at night, forget it, I'm exhausted. So, we basically spent our weekend in bed. Well, me lying around and picking up things here and there, but the general family mood led to a family screening of Godzilla this morning. We were all in our PJs and we all crawled into the guest bed and watched a movie. 

The problem with me being sick (this is the third time since the beginning of the school year!!!), is that E just doesn't handle it too well. He's never really accepted weaknesses in others. If you're tired, he thinks you should get over it, if you are hungry, you should wait, if you are sick, you aren't really, if you've just had a baby, you should be walking 10 miles by next week AND full of energy...this is, of course, until he is in any of those positions (except the baby position, which of course he can't ever have the pleasure of being in, but man, would I like to see him after he went through labor, he'd be a wreck), and when he's tired, hungry, sick, needs to pee...well, we hear about it. So, I was a little afraid of how the weekend was going to turn out when he got angry yesterday because he was, for once (and I guess I should emphasize FOR ONCE) VERY motivated to clean the apartment and start organizing all of our crap, and I just wanted to lie in bed hoping that sleep would allow me to get rid of the crappy feeling of being sick. So, my natural reaction usually when I'm sick like this (which, is weird because labor hurt way more than the discomfort of being sick and I never cried), or when I'm tired and feel like the world is breaking down, I cry. I can't help it. At first it really upset E because already, he thinks that a 103 fever is 'faking' it, so seeing me crying 'for no good reason' other than 'playacting' really got on his nerves. Then, he lightened up as the day went on and understood that this weekend, we just weren't going to get anything done with the apartment. He let me sleep, he helped with meals, he cleaned the kitchen and got up with the kids this morning. 

I have to say that I'm thinking I just need to go with his super organizing motivation. It's not necessarily how I wanted to spend my vacation, but it's not everyday that I get help organizing the apartment. His idea is that we need to spend all day every day on the whole thing. I am going to try to manipulate the situation so that he feels like we've worked a lot and worked well a couple hours each day and then we'll have the rest of the day to do other stuff. If he feels like he's accomplished something, even if it's just an hour or two, he feels like he's done a good job. Now, my motivation is another story, but I guess we have to force ourselves to be productive when we don't want to, and I know it's something we really need to do. Our apartment is going to be so much better once we move half the stuff out and into our new house and this is our only time to get that stuff packed.

So, no Fall baking as I had planned, no Halloween decorating, but I have to say that the kids were so much fun this weekend, and we got lots of good time to hang out. I've always said that getting sick forces us to slow down and look at life in another perspective because we can't do all the things at a fast pace like we are used to, so it was fun having an excuse to not be as active and cuddle in bed with the kids and play with them more than I usually 'have time' to do. If I didn't feel so crummy, I'd say I should get sick more often, just for that.

Never the Right Timing

Well, school vacation has finally started for 10 whole days, and I should be jumping up, shouting off the top of the Eiffel Tower because of my happiness, but my maximum capacity to feel an utter sense of relief and joy is hindered by one thing: E's plans have changed and he'll be staying here all next week instead of going to Nancy to visit with his uncle.

I know this sounds like the most awful thing to say, that I'm unhappy that my husband will be here, but I had plans, big plans for the school vacation. Mainly, to get those Xmas gifts knitted and sewn because during the week when I work, all I want to do is sleep at night, no more energy for anything. I was also planning on reading for my classes, grading papers, organizing stuff the classes I teach, cleaning and organizing the apartment, and packing a few boxes for our move (and thinking about our move and what we need to do). All of those things were priorities to me and since E wasn't going to be here, I could do them when I wanted (the kids will be gone during the day at a workshop this week and Alice at the daycare), at the pace I wanted, and how I wanted. Well, now that E is going to be here, he has fixed his only priority as we need to spend every waking minute of our time cleaning our apartment, organizing it, and packing. He doesn't think I should spend time on my classes, definitely doesn't think I should be sewing, and taking naps? No time, we need to move, move, move on getting the house ready. And, if I try and take an hour or two to do anything else, he gets frustrated and says "I'm the only one moving this family forward, we'll never get anything done for our house, I don't know why we bought it." He has a very difficult time seeing that my personal priorities are also just as important (his should be too, but he doesn't make them important and basically will forget to do important things, put them on the back burner, to do things for the family, which is good, but on the other hand, I always feel like pulling out this line from my high-school history teacher: Lack of preparation on your part doesn't constitute an emergency on mine)

I came home from work today and all I wanted to do was take a nap. A bout of bronchitis is kicking in again and I'm more worn out than usual. I might add that during the week I never have one minute to myself, except for Friday afternoon. So, I came home, walked in, and told E I wanted to take a nap. Of course, I knew he would be frustrated. Why? Well, I've come to learn this about E:

He, at almost 40, still wants just as much attention as the kids.

There are 3 times during the day I just don't want to talk: 1/ when I wake up in the morning 2/ at night and 3/ (sometimes) when I come home from work. The problem is that these are the times when E is chatter, chatter, chatter. He'll launch huge philosophical discussions at night, or want to talk about important things where we have to make decisions and gets very upset if I don't respond or don't have the mental capacity to think. So, I knew that he wouldn't appreciate me coming home from work and wanting to take a nap, he wants attention. The other night, he wanted to sit in bed together just because and I didn't want to burst his bubble, but I wanted to know how long this sitting in bed would last because I had to get up at 5:30 the next morning and at 9 at night still had to grade papers, still had to plan classes, still had to get the kids' stuff ready for the next day, still had laundry to launch etc... I really didn't mean to burst his bubble, but I really didn't have time 'at that moment' for just sitting in bed doesn't mean I wouldn't have had time another moment, but that just wasn't the right time. I remember last winter I would get the kids' hats on, we'd get out the door and go to the park, E would forget his hat and get upset that I didn't remind him to get his hat as well. Oh, and let's not even talk about his university enrollment for his PhD that he should have done by now, WAY by now. He keeps telling me that I need to help him get the paperwork together and motivate him and I'm sitting here thinking "I have 3 kids plus my own university and my classes to take care of, why do I need to take care of a grown man on top of that?" 

So, back to this afternoon, which is foreshadowing our next week: as I was cleaning up the kitchen and thinking how lovely it was going to be after that to go take a nap (of course I'm blogging instead), E comes in and says "So, you want to clean up the apartment?" NO, I freaking do not want to clean up the apartment. I just worked the whole morning after a hugely hectic week, I want to rest. Of course, he got upset, said again that things with this family are not going forward because I'm always slowing them down and that we should never have bought the house.

I just want to say to the following people: Tony and Beth, Gab, Louise, Aurélie (my niece, but she doesn't read my blog), Marie-Laure and Bruno, your Xmas gifts that are all ready to be 'made', that I was happily going to work on this week, will probably NOT be done unless E's uncle's sciatica decides to lighten up and he can see E after all. Because now, if I don't spend every waking hour getting organized and thinking about this move, there will probably be another major drama. Bowman, your gift was luckily finished in Scotland when we didn't have electricity or the worries of the outside world weighing us down, I'll get that in the mail tomorrow!

It just seems that most of the time, timing is never right between E and I. He wants to do things when I don't and vice versa. And, it's gotten to the point where if he sees me knit or sew or do anything that isn't what he thinks is a priority, he gets frustrated. Imagine how frustrating it is to me.

A HUGE Congratulations

I just wanted to send out a HUGE congratulations to some dear friends, Jaime and Jason. They welcomed little Bowman into this world yesterday, and I know Jaime labored long and hard to bring him here. 

I've known Jason ever since I was Louise's age and Jaime since middle school, and it is wonderful that even though we are far apart distance wise, technology is still able to keep us close. Now, hoping I can meet Bowman in person before he's old enough to drive!

Congratulations new family of three!!!

A Happy Ending

Well, our weekend getaway basically wasn't great for most of the weekend. E continued to act like a 2 year old all on Saturday and on Sunday. When Saturday night came around and it was time for dinner in the hotel restaurant, E backed out. Since I hadn't eaten a thing the whole day, I said forget this and went by myself and enjoyed a wonderful 5 course meal with my Iphone and friends on Facebook. Our hotel was situated in an abbey from the 12th century, we slept in the nuns quarters, and the restaurant was found in the cloisters. It was an absolutely beautiful setting, too bad it was marred by a lovers' quarrel.

One thing I can't make E be is carefree. He is a very complex person and I do understand, deep down, that the fact that I didn't wake up to leave as we had planned really meant more to him than me just sleeping in, it meant that I wasn't making an effort to leave to spend time with him. E's cousin, who is very reasonable about things, talked some sense into me and made me realize that perhaps I need to try and understand where E is coming from (even though I do think that he could have made more of an effort to understand where I was coming from too!) In the end, we were able to have a good talk on Sunday while we visited the abbey and on our way home, and it more or less made up for the weekend. 

On another note, I think our schedule is about to reach the epitome of craziness. E will begin a post until the end of the year starting November 5. He'll be replacing a teacher who is leaving on retirement and two of those days he can't take the kids to school. I'm in the middle of working out my schedule to try and take the kids to school, hoping my principal will agree with my proposition which entails switching an hour with a teacher and moving one of my Friday classes to Monday. Now we'll have to take Alice to the daycare at 8, drop off Gab and Louise and head to work. On Tuesdays, E gets done at 5:30 and has to scurry (he's only about 15 stations up on our metro line, about 20 min.) to get Alice by 6:15 then Gab and Louise by 6:30 since I'm in class those nights. I get home at 7:30. 

The great thing about all of this is we've been trying and trying to find a way to pick up some extra hours. The great thing about teaching is that there are always opps to pick up something here and there, you just have to look for them usually. E is already doing 5 extra hours at a high-school in the suburbs preparing students for oral exams in English. Those are very well paid. Well, the teacher he's replacing does 4 extra hours! That is almost unheard of. So, E's position plus the extra hour I do in my school, plus the money we get for being replacement teachers (it's a small bonus, not much, but it does buy a trip to the grocery store), will basically pay for the mortgage on our new house this year. So, things will be crazy, but once we get into this schedule, it will be fine (already, I'm less tired at night than I was 2 weeks ago).

Right now, though, I'm looking forward to the school vacation!!!!!

Here we go again....

It's taken me a long time to realize that E's fits, his pouting, his acting like he's a 2 year old who doesn't get his way are not my fault. Part of it is the meds my doc prescribed to help 'balance' me and to prevent me from exploding when these fits happen, part of it is me realizing that giving in to his sudden changes of temperament, which causes me to explode, is not in any way beneficial to our family. So, I've adopted a zen attitude, more or less, despite the challenge that adopting such an attitude entails, and just try and wait until things blow over.

We had another fit this morning. It had been awhile. Usually just when I say to myself "Oh, things are going great, things are peaceful" it never fails and we have another 'mini-drama'. 

We were supposed to be on the road by now, for our weekend away without the kids. Last year for Xmas we got a weekend away package and we could choose among the list of hotels. This weekend was the only one available. E's cousin, who is Gab's godmother and her husband, who is Alice's godfather, said they would also watch the kids as part of the gift. 

E kept saying the whole week that we should aim to leave at 6. In my mind I'm thinking "What in the world?" We get up at 6 every morning for work, why can't we leave at 8 or 9? The drive is about 3 hours and since the goal was to relax and do things slowly and only see a few sights, I didn't see why we had to wake up at the crack of dawn when we were already exhausted from our week. My error in this whole thing was to not voice my opinion, I just thought that today would come and E would also see the delight in being able to sleep a little longer and not have to get up with the kids and we would end up not waking up so early. Wrong. He woke up at 6, ready to go, and I slept until 8. Apparently, he kept trying to wake me up, but I wouldn't budge.

In E's 2 year old temper tantrum mindset, my sleeping until 8 meant that I didn't care about leaving on a weekend with him, that I will get up for work or if Alice is crying but that I won't get up to leave with him. If I try to put myself in his shoes, I feel that he is deeply hurt by my gesture. On the other hand, I don't feel that he's putting himself in my shoes at all- I hardly sat down this week, seriously. From metro running all around Paris to either work or my own university classes, to getting the kids, to coming home to make dinner, etc... I was exhausted.

E has always put sleep on the back burner. It is NOT a priority for him. He can go days without sleeping, really. For him, it should be something to do when you have time. And, he takes it as if you put sleep over another activity, you lead a boring life. I, on the other hand, really need sleep to function correctly and I just didn't see the point in starting a weekend away on 5 hours of sleep (we got home late last night from dropping off the kids). 

Anyway, long story short, we haven't left yet and I don't even know if we will end up leaving. When E woke me up at 8, he was in a hugely bad mood, saying that I obviously don't care about going etc... When I say I wish I had a carefree husband, this is what I mean- there shouldn't have even been tension this morning, it's no big deal. He has a right to be upset but then get over it so we can leave and start our weekend. Now, E has gone back to bed, saying to me that since we are "taking our time" (sarcastically) he'll take his time too and we can leave this afternoon just in time to enjoy our restaurant reservation tonight and sleep again in the hotel room. 

I really don't think he realizes what a fool he's making of himself. I've already contacted his cousin telling her that I'll come get the kids if we don't leave because it's not fair for her to keep them (she's off of work because of back problems) when we're just sitting at home. Maybe it's just me, but his behavior is just ridiculous. Perhaps I should blame myself a little more, but I'm not going to. Life is too short.

As if I don't lack time...

And here I am, adding MORE to a plate that's already overflowing. 

It's official, I am going back to school, as of this past Tuesday. Basically, I only have 4 more classes plus a thesis left to finish my master's degree. After much talk with E, we both decided that I would regret living my whole life not finishing the one thing I wanted to accomplish- my master's and Phd. 

Up to this point, I just really kept mentally putting it off, thinking that someday, I'd get to it. For some reason, the student teaching year, the pregnancies, the 'getting into' family life, just made my plans drift and I didn't want to face the reality of my future. I was scared that by having a family, I was giving up one reality for another and that I'd just have to settle on what I already had. I think back to last year and how practical it would have been to spend my maternity leave accomplishing this last year of my master's degree, but last year, I wasn't mentally ready, I was still in that drifting pattern.

For some reason, this year, when I'm working an hour away full time, when I leave at 7 each morning and get home just in time to get the kids, when I have 3 little ones to take care of, for some reason, this year it all made sense to pursue the path I started on 8 years ago. Don't ask me why. Craziness? 

But, for some reason, I feel that I needed that 4 year break in my studies (the last time I took a university class was 4 years ago) to take enough distance with myself to continue down that path with more maturity. I feel ready, mentally, to go for it. 

The professor I had contacted has agreed to take me on as a student and to direct my thesis. I attend her seminars once a week, every Tuesday, and for this semester will enroll in another class by correspondence. For next semester, I'll find another class I can attend and take another class by correspondence as well and then have my thesis to write for next September. Once this year is complete and finished successfully, I will be able to start my dream of pursuing a PhD.

I can't even begin to explain how wonderful it felt to be in a literature class again. Finally, a place to think and open my mind. The professor said she admired me for taking all of this on after having kids and a job but that she didn't know when I would have time for reading the material for class. I told her not to worry, it motivates me and I will find the time. Contrary to 4 years ago, as a 20 something student where the classwork felt like an obligation, something you had to 'get through' at times, having this outlet as a 30 something working mother is truly that, an outlet, a pleasure, an escape, and a place for me to utilize abstraction where in my mundane daily life there is none. It's refreshing and I sense that it will give me a new energy. 

As for our daily lives, it just got a big more hectic, but I have to say that E has really, really been stepping up to the plate. I leave every morning no later than 7:30. I get the kids dressed, but after that, he takes care of them by getting all 3 their breakfast and taking them to school. On Tuesdays, he has to take them to school AND pick them up AND take care of them until I get home at 7:30. Same goes for Wed. morning, where he takes Louise to dance, Alice to the daycare, and then takes care of Gab and Louise until I get home from work. On top of it, he has really been helping me out in the house more- dishes, cleaning up the kitchen, taking out the trash. It's as if my working made him realize that we both needed to do this together. I still do more, I think all women do, but I really cannot complain about how much he's been helping around here.

All I'll say is, we are very, very tired, and this is going to be one tiring year, but a very good one with our house, with our university projects, with work. But, it's good, life is good, and it's good to lay your head down on the pillow every night and close your eyes and fall into a deep sleep. The only thing I will complain about is, my sewing time is hugely compromised by my fatigue right now, but I am really looking forward to the school vacation in a week to relax and get some sewing done.