C'est ma vie

Poor little Ali and other boring news

Miss Alice has had a lot on her plate for such a little girl these past couple weeks. Today, not only did she get the most hellish shot (the BCG- it's awful, even I almost fainted, it lasts a minute, no joke, and the doc pokes her 20 times in the same area), but the doc says that I need to start doing physical therapy with her again until she completely has no mucous left in her. She's still wheezing, but because she's in such a good mood, I thought we could stop the treatments. Nope. We need to continue until there's not one sign of congestion. So, another round of therapy tonight after an afternoon shot. Oh, and she's also lost a little weight because she has been eating less, so the doc really says we need to get this girl better.

After my trip to the doc today, I was reminded of the difficulty in keeping up with all the immunizations for 3 kids. Geez. Is there a special application on the Iphone for keeping up with immunization dates? After going over Louise's records today, the doc realized that we missed a shot that Louise was supposed to have a year ago. No big deal, but now she has two that she needs to get when school starts. I seriously need to start using an agenda!!!!

E's nieces are coming tomorrow to stay for a few days. Crap. This means that I actually need to plan what I'll be cooking for the next few nights (for the past month or so, I've been 'winging' it- can't say we've eaten the best or most nutritious meals, but I just haven't felt like cooking. Period.) They are very good girls and I know Gab and Louise will love having them around for a few days. It will also make us get out and go do some sightseeing a little.

This heat (remember, there we, like everyone else in Paris, don't have AC) is messing with the part of my brain that controls motivation. We leave for Scotland in a week and I haven't even thought once about what we need to pack let alone actually start packing. Oddly, however, the heat has not affected the part of my brain that motivates me to sew. Hmmmm...odd...

My MIL has recently told me that my life is going to be hell when I start back work. Wow, what a way to alleviate my fears, a way to encourage me. Not. It all started like this, I was all proud to tell her that Gab was enrolled in painting and Louise in dance in September:

Me: The kids are going to start doing some extracurricular activities- dance and painting.

MIL: Oh la la, it's going to be hell for you and Etienne next year trying to figure out who is going to take and pick up the kids and having to change your hours to not work on Wednesdays and then what if you switch schedules in the middle of the year once you've finally gotten one schedule down? Your school principal is not going to be pleased. And, what about having to take Alice to the physical therapist or the doctor- what if she gets sick, when will you take her? Your life is going to be very complicated next year, I don't envy you. And, you are going to have a shock when you won't be able to fiddle around with your sewing and knitting anytime you want, oh and is Louise wearing the same shirt as you? (Louise and I were wearing the same shirt), that's silly, what's the point? I never did that with my daughter, waste of money.

Me: All I wanted to tell you was that Gab and Louise were enrolled in activities. (Then I run off and cry, okay, not really). 

Good Lord, what a lecture. Remind me the next time not to A/ Reveal, if my MIL says anything, that I have made the clothes my kids are wearing and B/ Tell her about the doctor's appts. to which I'm running to left and right and C/ act proud that I've enrolled my kids in activities which, according to her, is adding unneeded stress to my life. Glad my doc prescribed some anti-stressers, maybe I'll need them after all...

I also proved to E today yet again one of his pet peeves about me (which is one of my own pet peeves about me)- I'm flimsy with people. Seriously, interaction with others freaks me out. For one thing, I'm just not cheesy or emotional and if I have to be, it's a big effort on my part. For another, I guess it just has to do with my pride or something complex like that- I'm afraid of acting weird but in the end, my lack of interaction with people is weird and the end result is I don't have many friends. I'm just not a very warm person in general. Case in point: Gab got invited to a bday party this past weekend. E dropped off and picked up Gab. He told me that the family was hugely warm and friendly and that we should keep up contact with them and also mentioned that they were unlike me. And, he's right (before I hear any E bashing!) I'm just not a welcoming and warm person and my stress and lack of any feelings whatsoever really makes me appear as a bitch (sorry, I know I've used that term several times lately, but hey, it's me, and you don't have to read my blog). I have been meaning to call this girl's mom to try and start forming contact with the family because Gab has been friends with this girl ever since school started 2 years ago, but I just cringe at the thought of communication, interaction- it takes me out of my comfort zone. E often asks me "Why don't you talk to so and so, or why don't you ever call so and so, or you know, you could also Skype so and so..." and it's usually because A/ I'm afraid people will be put off with me and annoyed more than anything and B/ I'm afraid of the interaction and looking weird and that people are really going to see how uncomfortable I am. I'm sure most of this stems from childhood... if only I could be another person, it would be an assertive, confident, not afraid to interact person.

Well, that's about it- a sick Alice, nieces coming, procrastination, and weather that really makes me want to go hibernate in the fridge and not come out until Winter. Oh, and my MIL, but she's the least of my troubles, I'm used to it. Oh, and my fear of people- I'm used to that too.

Mommy and Daughter Skirts

Mommy and Daughter Skirts, originally uploaded by afoos.

This is what I've been doing instead of packing for Scotland, instead of tending to other house chores, instead of planning meals- sewing!!!! I have so many simple projects like these skirts and it saddens me that I probably won't have as much time next year to sew. Oh well. I'll find some time. And, now that I have my new machine, it's all I want to do! PS, E still doesn't know I got a new machine and I'm just cringing at the day when he'll ask me "So, how is your machine keeping up, do you still like how my uncle fixed it?"

I ordered this material to make a shirt, but it turns out it was more of a heavier weight canvas and that just wouldn't do for a shirt, but skirts sounded like a lovely idea. I am not so proud of mine- it's a couple inches too big on the sides and I botched cutting it out so had to come up with some makeshift pattern. It still looks cute, but I'd like it to be more fitting on the sides rather than feel like a potato sack. Louise's was super, super easy, a free pattern over at Oliver S. I will probably be making her more of these- it took less than 30 min. start to finish. She hasn't tried it on yet, but it might be just a tad too big, which is fine- room to grow!

The other day I was explaining to my mom that French women just don't sew; She came up with a good point- during the world wars, it was such a necessity to sew your own clothes that over the years women see it more as a chore rather than a hobby. Well, it's sure a hobby to me- I love seeing the finished product!

Cloth diapers or not?

Thought I'd take a little poll (just leave a comment) about a logistical problem for our trip to Scotland: cloth diapers or not? 

I usually always travel with the cloth diapers when there is a washing machine available (in other words, when we travel to a relative's who is willing to let me use their machine to wash cloth diapers or if we rent a house, there is a machine on location). But, we won't have either in Scotland- no electricity means lots of handwashing. Already, I'm planning on letting the kids wear their shorts for several days. I did briefly test the handwashing of the cloth diapers when we were in our hotel room in Berlin and it lasted about two days- the diapers just get too soaked when you wash them then you have to wring dry them and it's a bitch to deal with. And, I'm not really sure how good it is for the wear and tear of the diapers as well. Anyway, I'm thinking about just giving in and doing disposables for our Scotland trip. At the same time, I'm rather complexed because here we are, having sort of a greenish vacation in nature, without electricity and I am going to be using disposables. On the other hand, it's not vacation to me anymore when I have to spend a lot more of my time handwashing the diapers every 2 days. 

What do you think and what would you do? 

Guilty Pleasures

The other night my parents came for a brief visit. They were in London and took a flight over to spend Friday night and Saturday morning with us and to meet Alice. Friday was kind of crazy between Alice's physical therapy and baking Louise's brownies for her end of year daycare party that evening. I also had to clean the apartment and wanted to finish Alice's dress. My parents naturally had mentioned going out to eat, to which I naturally said 'no way.' Our restaurant days with the kids are over, at least for now. We've tried that experience several times over the past couple months and besides the fact that eating establishments in France generally aren't as kid-friendly as in the US, taking a 5 year old and 3 year old after a full day at school is not a friendly experience either. I wasn't exactly organized to make dinner, either and really wasn't in the mood. I thought the kids would enjoy pizza but there is also a Lebanese takeout place up the street that I thought would be good. 

I know this place is a rip-off. For the baptism they wanted to charge me double the price as what I found at the Friday street market for tabouleh. You can also tell that they have a rip-off attitude because they are always trying to get you to buy something different and you have to pay extra for the bread when you buy a plate of Lebanese dips (it's like buying guacamole and not including the tortilla chips). And yet, I go back for their falafel sandwiches, for their hummus, for their tabouleh. It's the only Lebanese restaurant in our neighborhood and our arrondissement isn't the cheapest in Paris. We may live in a low rent apartment, but the prices in our neighborhood make up for it.

I went to Louise's daycare party while E went to pick up my parents with Gab. On their way home, I gave them a call and asked what type of pizza they liked and it seemed like the general opinion for dinner was leaning more towards Lebanese. So, I went up the street to order and let's just say, it was more than double the price I would have paid for pizza to get a mezzé plate for all of us. I knew it wasn't a good idea. I knew that with our salaries this was not something we could afford. I felt guilty about it. But, it was a guilty pleasure. When E went to pick it up and pay for it, he was also not thrilled about my purchase because A/ It's something we would never do on our own and B/ It made him feel like we're a yuppie couple who both have high-paying jobs and eat take-out every night of the week. When it comes to our lifestyle, we are more the hand-me-down garage salers rather than the shopping whenever we want Gappers. The pizza definitely suited our budget a lot more. I don't know why I do these things, I KNEW it wasn't a good idea, but I went ahead anyway. 

Later that night, we headed to the Ile St. Louis for some Berthillon ice-cream and to take a wonderful early summer walk. The sky was of a reddish hue, the air couldn't have been more perfect and the kids enjoyed a street puppet show playing on the bridge leading to Notre Dame. As I watched my kids inthralled by the puppet show while I would glimpse from time to time at the view of Notre Dame with the backdrop of orange, yellow, and red tinted sky. We were surrounded by beautiful apartments and pretension and I couldn't help, as I looked as the families and well-dressed kids who obviously were from that area- those are the real yuppies, they can afford Lebanese takeout on a Friday night. Artists who are successful in their work, cadres who haven't been affected by the financial crisis, sons who have inherited the family apartment and are are now living on inheritance, but no teachers with 3 kids barely keeping up with the Joneses in Paris. Then, I would glimpse again at Notre Dame and think "We are very lucky to be living here, in Paris, a city that is still my dream and my favorite city in the world, but I feel guilty about it, we shouldn't be living here."

Is living in Paris a guilty pleasure? Besides our apartment that is affordable for us, daily life is on the whole more expensive. This was proven to me as of late when I got the bill for the physical therapist for my post-partum physical therapy and for Alice's breathing treatments. It is supposed to be reimbursed 100 percent and if they charge you over what your insurance will cover, they are supposed to tell you. Well, they didn't, and I was surprised by the bill. Of course it wasn't close to what we probably would have paid out of pocket in the US, but still. And, it seems like everything is more expensive in Paris- doctors, dentists (a horror), the Sunday market, restaurants- where else are you going to pay 12-15 euros for a simple salad that I could make for less than 5 at home? And, yuppies who have money will pay for all that just to say they are living in Paris. We just can't. On the other hand, we only have to have one car, which we rarely drive during the week, and many things are at reduced prices now that we have 3 kids.

On our car on the way to E's mom's last night (we spent the rest of our weekend here after my parents left), I was thinking about possibly having a 'no spending' policy when school starts, meaning, having a whole different attitude about spending money- using what we have to make gifts, becoming creative with what we already have, spending less for food. I want to be able to enjoy the city we live in and I won't if I don't feel like we even deserve to live here. We are lucky to be able to see the Eiffel Tower any time of day from our windows, I never thought I'd be here or have the means to be here, but we need to make up for that in other areas. Consumerism really ties our society down, but I no longer want to have guilty pleasures. Money does not buy happiness, and I deeply believe that. I am hoping our stay in Scotland, without electricity, will open my creative side and show me new ways to manage without having a quick fix that money can buy. It will also help me to go back to work in September- no more internet purchases (this includes fabric as well!). I know I've said this in previous years, but this year I really am going to try, as soon as summer vacation is over, to live way more frugally. The only reason people don't do it more often is that they are afraid of what judgement they'll get from others, but a lot of the pressure to buy comes from that fear. Anyway, we'll see what happens, but as E says, we have 3 kids now, we're done trying to please others- people are just going to have to accept our lifestyle because we have other things to take care of besides trying to please others. Which is why I shouldn't have bought the Lebanese. I'm still feeling guilty about it. But, at least we'll have some leftover for tomorrow night. 

A princess hula/belly dancer

A princess hula/belly dancer, originally uploaded by afoos.

We're just missing the signature rain galoshes.

5 months old

5 months old, originally uploaded by afoos.

Unfortunately, this is how Alice has spent half of her month because she's sick, and our girl doesn't take naps during the day, so we knew she just wasn't feeling well. I do feel like she is on the mend, though, and today we have seen a noticeable difference and the fever seems to be staying away. I hope she's not sick like this again for a long, long time.

Alice seems to be growing up before our eyes and I can't believe she's almost been with us a half a year. But, I also feel like time has slowed down and I really have been able to spend a lot of time with her these first few months of her life. I will miss our time together, just Alice and me, but she can't stay a baby forever and I need to move on with other things as well. I think I will always remember this past year as bittersweet.

Alice weighs around 6.6 kilos, or 14.5 pounds, and her favorite activity is watching her brother and sister play around her. She is such a delight and has a smile on her face anytime anyone talks to her. As for her nights, she can more or less do 11 or 12 hours, but since she's been sick, she's been waking up with a blocked nose, and I've been sleeping with her because both E and I are scared of her breathing, so her sleeping pattern hasn't been all that great as of late. She definitely does know when it's night time and does sleep longer, though and no longer needs that night feeding.

About her dress- it's a size 12 months and I was just way too lazy and time crunched to put elastic in the arms. As opposed to Louise's dress, I didn't think the flutter effect looked good on a little baby, but alas, that's what she is going to get. For the next one, I'll put in elastic, though because the flutter arms make her look like she's going to fly away. I was also so lazy that I didn't do a proper casing on the arms and basically used the pinking shears and folded over once instead of twice. The pinking shears are my best friend since I don't have a serger, but this is why I don't make clothes as gifts- mine don't look very pro on the inside seams! I could zigzag stitch, but why spend time doing that when the shears will do an almost just as good job? Anyway, I think Alice looks pretty cute despite the too fluttery sleeves. There will be so many more of these dresses in the future...

Happy 5 months my little Ali, you are my joy.

Sister dresses

Sister dresses, originally uploaded by afoos.

Minus Alice's, which should be done today. I got this pattern off of Etsy and it is basically the same pattern as the Shirt dress, so from now on, I'll use this pattern to make shirt dresses rather than cutting my own, for more accuracy. I had bought this blue fabric for Louise and pink for Alice (photo to come) awhile back, knowing I wanted to make them sister dresses for this summer.

Super fast and easy. I didn't even look at the pattern since it was basically the same as the shirt dress, so it went fast. I did omit the elastic on the sleeves, giving it more of a fluttery feel. Louise looks adorable and boy, am I glad I made a 4T because it fits her perfectly (FYI, patterns usually run small). Can't wait for Alice's to be done!

My mom is coming tonight on a quick visit and to thank her for my new, awesome machine (it doesn't have any fancy whistles or anything, but now I'm seeing how my other one really didn't work so well!), I thought I'd put the girls in the dresses I made.

Alice is STLL holding onto her viral infection, poor little girl. I need a direct hotline to the doc because I think I've called him every day this week in a worried panic. Gab and Louise have never gotten this sick. Well, she's not sickly sick because she's still eating (although less) and she's smiling, but her chest cold is still hanging on and she's had fever every day this week. I'm knocking on wood right now that the reading of 37.2 (celsius) this morning is going to stay that way for the rest of the day because every day this week, it's gone up to 38.6 in the afternoon. We are continuing the physical therapy and I clean her nose like mad- I do think it is starting to clear up, though. I am just hoping she's completely better very soon.

My inner Black Woman

I'm majorly PMSing, despite the miracle birth control pill that is supposed to relieve all PMS symptoms. In its defense, it does help with the bloating, the cramping, and some of the moodiness and I can definitely see a difference in mood swings around 'that time', but PMS is still PMS. So, this week has not been the time to bring out the chore chart because I will appear bitchy, but I have been preparing my family for events to come.

Talking about household chores is always a very delicate matter with Etienne because there is a very fine line to him with me being bitchy about it and I can become very gripey and naggy with it as well. Case in point- yesterday he called to tell me he was on his way home and I asked him to pick up some bread. E says, "Oh, nothing is planned for lunch, it's sandwiches again?" and I retorted in a very dead-pan voice, "Our deal was that we fend for ourselves for lunch, it has been like this for years, and today isn't going to change, I'm not going to miraculously whip up a blanquette de veau" Shortly after that, a similar conversation: Me- "I'm just going to be spending today cleaning the rooms because my parents are coming Friday night" and E replies "Oh, that's why you are cleaning, I knew something was up because you never clean" (he cannot get it through his thick skull, no matter how many times I 'defend' myself that just because he usually doesn't see me 'clean' because I usually do it when he's not here, doesn't mean I don't have a routine of cleaning once a week), so I reply in a very dead-pan and defensive manner "Yep, cleaning like I do once a week, I do the bathrooms and vaccumming once a week, like always." This statement has been repeated a million times over the years. 

I hate dead-pan, can't stand when people are dead-pan, can't stand when I am dead-pan, but the PMS makes me dead-pan and serious. I am also the queen of defense, I mean what else are you supposed to do when someone accuses you of something that just isn't true?How do you effectively defend yourself? Well, E just gets turned off by my defensiveness. So, as you can see, yesterday was not the right time to 'instill' my chore chart or should I say 'inflict' that on my family- it would have come off as bitchy. 

However, I have taken the advice of my wonderful reader, Marisa, who I think has very accurately assessed my current situation about me whining and feeling defeated, and therefore developed a 'new attitude' about my current place as a slave to my family. It's simple: I will no longer be a slave and I am not going to let down. The other night, after dinner, I gave E the choice: he either clears the table, or gives the kids a bath, but I'm not doing both, end of story. He opted for the bath, which was fine, we did equal shares and it was lovely to not have to do everything that evening. 

Yesterday, I was equally as assertive, but my plan backfired. See, E has this stinking awful habit of getting his lunch and leaving everything out on the table afterwards- bread crumbs, empty ham packages, plates and knives and I usually come after him, like a pacha's servant, with my sponge and clean up his messes. So, at 7 last night when it was time to set the table, huge evidence of his passage for lunch was still present on the table and I said to myself, this time, I am not going to clean off the table, I am no longer going to pick up after an adult who is perfectly capable of cleaning up after himself. And, you know what I did? I set the table on the bread crumbs and left his magazine, as well as all the knives and ham packages still on the table. Well, E feel asleep (he's getting our sickness) and slept right through dinner, so he wasn't able to see what I did. But, I did leave everything on the table from dinner, put nothing in the dishwasher- the kids this morning ate breakfast on their little table because I was not about to back down. The problem is that my parents are coming for a brief 24 hour jaunt and I would like to clean the kitchen and living room, so I am halfway obligated to finally put the dishes away. If they weren't coming, however, I think that I would just leave the dishes there straight until tonight when I make dinner and again, set the table on top of the dishes from last night's dinner. I am finding my inner attitude, I WILL NOT be the family slave and E is just as capable as I am of putting the dishes away, it's not my role- it's up to both of us to be responsible for what goes on around here. 

As soon as my PMS is over, I am going to find a way to calmly introduce the chart. I did make a list and boy, do I take care of a lot of crap in this house. I do like the Powerpoint idea and it might be a fun way for the kids to visualize the whole thing. We'll see... E mentioned to me that I have been acting strange these past couple days- good! For the better! I do feel a new gift of assertiveness that wasn't in me before. A couple weeks ago I said to myself, if I don't change something about how this house is run, I am not only going to go insane and have a breakdown because of fatigue, but I will not longer see as much joy in my children and I will also continue to belittle myself by seeing myself as a defeated slave. No longer. We are in the 21st century, time for the kids and the husband to step in a be part of the team. It would help if E could stop playing his online game (that is the subject of another more serious post because I really do think we can safely say that he is addicted, and it has really taken a toll on our family life), but already it is a step in the right direction with me changing the way I look at myself.

Only in France

On the whole (and I say that as a disclaimer because we have had a few experiences that go against the example in the present post- Louise's daycare, for example, is a very structure and organized establishment, the school where I briefly taught this year, very on top of things), the word 'organization' doesn't translate well into the French administrative culture. Or, to look at it another way, my idea of organization from what I grew up with in the States isn't the same as the French idea of being organized- it doesn't mean there isn't organization there, but I just have a difficult time fathoming the way things are organized. Here is my case in point.

About 3 years ago this awesome activity center opened up not too far from where we live. It offers just about anything you can imagine for both kids and adults: tennis, dance (ballet, jzaz, salsa, hip-hop etc...), music lessons (voice, theatre, and several instruments), martial arts (karate, judo and several others), pottery, painting, ceramics, drawing, yoga, pilates, plus languages, computer technology, science classes and the list goes on. This activity center is also in a beautiful building among trees overlooking tennis courts and you really don't feel like you are in Paris. I've wanted to enroll in something myself but my personality always gets in the way of me making the first move of doing something out of the ordinary. Well, seeing how our routine this year has been coming home from school and really not knowing what to do until dinner time, I thought next year it would really be good for the kids to have an activity each, at least get out and do another thing an hour a week. So, I decided Louise could start dance (it's really called an 'introduction' to dance) and Gab wanted to do painting (he wanted karate, but he'll be spending Wed. with his Mamie next year, so we had to switch to painting on Monday nights).

The good thing about this activity center is they take your taxes and calculate what you pay based on what your annual revenues come out to be, so I was expecting at least some line yesterday when I went to enroll the kids. When I had called about enrollment, they said just to come anytime on June 22. I stopped by on my way to pick up Gab from school and someone told me all of the numbers had been given out for the day, I'd have to stop by again in the morning at 9. Wth? So, today I didn't get there until around 10:15 and I got number 99, only 100 were given out today. At 10:30 they were only on number 10 for the enrollment. The people were very friendly and said to stop back by after school, around 5, that they would probably be on my number by then. Gab and I stopped back by after his speech therapy this afternoon and there were only about 3 or 4 people waiting to enroll and by that time, the numbers were pretty much disregarded and it was first come, first serve basis (they were at number 85, but by that point, there was really no order because a lot of the people with higher numbers were just going to come back anyway in the evening and they hadn't made it back yet).

We did get enrolled and are only paying 30 euros a month total for both kids to do an activity, but I told E, why don't they just make appointments? They know how long it will take for each file to be completed, why don't they have a hotline, or do something online where you either call or sign up online for an appointment to enroll rather than go there to wait in line to get a number and then have to come back at some random time during the day without even knowing if your number is going to be called. Or, why can't they do the whole enrollment process online and allow you to mail the corresponding documents? Whatever. I do feel that this was a typical stereotypical French administrative experience.

Now, I am really hoping that I can get my Wednesdays off next year to spend every Wed. with Louise taking her to dance and having at least one full day at home (most teachers can re-work at least somewhat their schedules, but it does require a bunch of negotiation and nagging, something I'm not looking forward to). I am really looking forward to getting out of our bubble a bit, letting the kids experience other things besides staying with us all of the time when they aren't at school or daycare. I've been a little down thinking about my brief moment as a stay at home mom coming to an end, at the same time, I really need to go back to work to get some routine back into my aimlessness, but knowing that come September, we are going to have somewhat of a routine (again!) and the kids are going to experience new things, it makes me feel more comfortable. The year I was doing my student teaching, my time was hugely occupied and then I had Gab and Louise to take care of, so I'm not really scared of managing work plus the kids. But, I am scared of no longer having time for myself at all and falling into a boring routine during the week. At least I'll get in some knitting time while I wait for the kids during their activities or I'll be able to enjoy a book- 2 hours during the week is much better than nothing and according to my current philosophy, when the kids are doing their activities, my rule is I do my own as well!

To the Doc and Back Again

Besides the occasional cold or childhood ear infection or scheduled shots, we weren't often at the doc for Gab and Louise. In fact, the doc rarely saw Gab, besides his checkups once every year since he was 2. Fast forward to the past 6 months, and I've made enough trip to the doc to make up for the lack of over the past few years and I am hoping that things will finally be on the mend soon and that our ER visits will also taper off, at least for awhile (Louise, are you listening to me?) 

This is officially my last week of maternity leave, or leave where it's just me and Alice because E ends his school year on Wednesday and if I think about it, I get sad. No more PJ days for a long, long time (I just can't do that when E is here) and when school is out for the kids, we're all together for the next two months until school starts again in September. Only this time, I will not be spending nearly as much time at home kidless. In fact, my days, like I had this year, tons of 'days' by myself, are over for a long, long, long time. On the other hand, I'm kind of happy about that. I'm happy to be able to appreciate a day off, which is something I got used to this year and let me tell you, my new theory is that spending so much time at home actually produces aimlessness. I get more done when I work! I also think it's time for Alice to be somewhere besides home all the time to start her experience in daycare. It was nice having so much time with my baby, though, and I will miss the moments we've spent together where she's little enough for me to take her anywhere. 

Anyway, the past few months of my maternity leave have been spent shuttling from one medical venue to the next, I feel like, and it definitely hasn't been the relaxed endless days ahead of me that I had hoped. Weeks would go by and each day, there was something, some kind of appointment that would cut into my day and make it impossible for me to say 'today is a lazy, PJ day, I am staying in bed the whole day.' When I look back on this whole school year, the only time I really 'relaxed' was when I was put on bedrest and had an excuse to stay in bed, only I spent my time studying, in a very contrived manner for the Phd exams. If only I had known I wouldn't end up taking them, I wouldn't have wasted my precious maternity leave on that.... no regrets, though, I shouldn't regret how I spent my maternity leave, the last time in my young life where I'll have so much time on my hands. 

So, my maternity leave is ending with taking Alice to the doctor again, tonight. My worries were not put to rest because of her wheezing. At her 5 o'clock bottle, she only drank a fourth of her normal dose and then I took her temp and it was 102. She was also breathing at a 60 per minute rate- faster than what is considered normal. The doc said that she has a mean virus and that the wheezing is mostly caused by her nasal congestion, we just have to clean her nose on an hourly basis. He also gave me another medication to give her to try and loosen up that mucous and make her cough and he told me to continue the respiratory therapy as well as use the inhaler for a week. He looked at her respiration and it was normal and she doesn't show any signs of distress like flared nostrils or bluish coloring or caved in chest, which also shows it's not really all in her lungs. Right now, she seems to be sleeping soundly next to me and breathing fine. E has been worried too and we both agreed that I'll sleep with her (her bassinet next to me) until this gets cleared up. I just hope she feels better soon. She did take another bottle around 8 and drank almost all of it, so that sure makes me feel better.

Tomorrow is another day full of physical therapy (Alice) and speech pathology (Gab) and in-between I'd like to try and enroll them in some activities for next year and pick up my new sewing machine, an early birthday gift from my mom! I think from now on I will covet a whole day to myself because I don't see many of those in my future!