C'est ma vie

The Constant Battle

We've been slowly starting to dismantle our old kitchen, piece by piece, in order to convert it into a decent guest/family room. We decided to build a platform bed on the same model that we built our current bed, only it won't be too high and we'll be able to climb on it without a ladder or steps. This will allow us to customize our space in that room as well as have storage underneath the bed for the stuff we rarely access. 

This dismantling process has brought up the constant struggle E and I seem to have about how to use our space. I am all about reusing what we have rather than go out and buy. The kitchen was an exception (although I did look on ebay before deciding to go with Ikea) because first of all, the kitchen was going to be in our living room where everyone could see it on a daily basis and second, well, if you are going to spend the time and money putting something like this together yourself, it is nice to have something that's aesthetically pleasing.

If I had it my way, our house would be filled with antiques and decorated in simple taste. My idea of reusing means that you can also be choosy about what you put in your house, you can reuse in taste. I don't know how many things I've chosen to take from the dumpster FOR FREE to reuse in our apartment, mostly because they are pleasing to the eye and I know that we can use them to decorate the apartment. I've come to grips with the fact that we will never have the pristine, put-together look that I'd like to have because the fact of the matter is that we have WAY too much furniture. A lot of the furniture we have, I don't really approve of. A lot of it is makeshift, a lot of it it way out of place. I am constantly trying to find a way to better present the things we have that I don't think we really need but that E insists on keeping. I don't really care about what people think of how we live, but sometimes, I am sure that our American visitors are like "wow, how much crap they have."

Etienne and I have two different ideas about our living space. He thinks we should just pile up until the walls are hidden and I have the philosophy that we definitely need to use the space to the maximum capacity but that it should also be pleasing to the eye. I also think that living in such tight quarters, there need to be spaces where you feel like you can breath a little, even if it's as simple as a blank wall in a room. Sure, you need storage, but you can have storage and make it pleasant at the same time. I have fought and fought to decorate this place, and at times Etienne has sacrificed storage for decoration.

This is the second day that we have been trying to take apart the old kitchen, and the second day we've encountered the clash of our different philosophies about our living space. We were supposed to take everything to E's mom's house for storage. Then, yesterday, he suggested we put a shelf in a random place on top of another piece of furniture in our living room. Now, I am attached to this shelf, I got it from a dumpster, re-painted it, and really loved it, but putting it somewhere to re-use it just to put it somewhere, where it looks totally out of place, well, that's where I draw the line. Men just don't know how to judge what looks right and wrong in a room. Today, he wanted to re-use a couple of the floor cabinets from our old kitchen and put them at the end of our hallway for storage. Sure, there's a space there, but the cabinets in no way look like they have their place there and they take up a little too much room for what is acceptable for that space (they stick out too much). I was very hostile to this idea and actually hadn't planned on putting anything there for the time being. But, Etienne just can't bear to not use what we have to fill up an empty space. He also brought back his childhood desk, which is nice and a part of the family furniture, but now we have my sewing desk just sitting in the middle of the apartment because we have nowhere to put it, so there are too many desks! 

Honestly, I'm not sure I can win on the kitchen cabinet battle. I'm thinking that the end of our hallway is inevitably going to be filled with kitchen cabinets to put yet more junk in (when we have cabinets in our closets that are empty, but he still has this idea that we need storage at all costs- if we just took the time to go through our stuff, I'm sure half of our apartment would be empty). I know our apartment, in some places, looks completely like we're just piling up things, like we just moved in and are waiting to get rid of piles of things, but no, that's not temporary, that's how we (or should I say E) intended to put them. Why do men not understand that we women need to nest and to feel good in our houses and not as if we're living in one of those storage rooms that you rent?

I'm tempted, but no way!

One of those crazy days

I don't like to compare my kids, but inevitably, I do, like all parents I suppose. And, that tendency is made all the easier by the fact that, from our experience with Gab, the two's are an age to be dreaded.

Oh, the temper tantrums, the stopping in the middle of our parking garage and falling down on the ground and then rolling and throwing himself all around screaming- we remember that time all too well. The endless days when all he'd want to do is watch Dora because he couldn't occupy himself with other activities and then we'd give in because we just didn't know what to do. 

Louise may be stubborn and pouty (and stubborn and pouty she is!), but she is not one to throw tantrums very easily and the two's have, so far, been relatively easy (knock on wood). She is also very independent and finds activities around the house when we can't read her books or do an activity with her. This is why I had less of an issue leaving her home from daycare today when she wasn't feeling up to par. She probably could have gone, but we got home late last night from a friend's and I thought she could use some extra sleep. 

I had all of these projects in store today: work on the PhD exams, organize some things around the apartment, sort through some mail etc... With Louise at home, I thought it would still be possible to get some of these things accomplished. WRONG.

She lacked sleep so much it turned into insomnia. The doc couldn't get us in until 2 and after lunch when she normally would take a nap, we had to keep her up for the appointment. She fell asleep for 20 min. in the car on the way there, but the whole time at the doctor, she decided that she wasn't having what the doctor wanted her to do and showed her stubbornness at every opportunity. Even in the traffic jam on the way home, she didn't sleep. When we got home at 3:30, I promptly put her down for a nap, but she woke up a half an hour later. This was when we saw the ultimate temper tantrum, probably worse than all of Gab's tantrums combined.

I think the girl was half asleep or something when she woke up, but she started rolling on the ground and not able to express what she wanted. We'd ask her if she wanted something to eat or drink, and she just ignored us. Then, we decided that maybe she should go back to bed. Oh, big mistake. That set off hysteria and she started screaming and kicking and crying. I thought a bath would calm her down (the whole time she is still not able to tell us what she wanted because she herself didn't know), but it made things worse. This was totally not our little girl, and I was worried. At one point, I was about to call a doctor to come over. For an hour, let me repeat that, AN HOUR, she screamed like a newborn who you try to comfort, but you can't. I didn't think she was in pain, her fever had gone down, E and I both tried to talk to her to calm her down and nothing, nothing at all would work. She was in a frenzy, possessed of something I am certain. The best thing we could think of is that she was really overly tired and her little nerves just couldn't take it anymore. Finally, she came into my arms and that calmed her down and then, as if nothing had happened, she was fine and up and playing in no time. I think we were the frazzled ones after that. 

Needless to say, I am exhausted. Even more exhausted by the fact that she reminded me what it's going to be like with a newborn crying nonstop for 2 months straight and not knowing how to satisfy her. Maybe we should start leaving earplugs in the neighbors' mailboxes as of now.

But, at least Louise seems to be okay. Today was a lazy day for all of us: E got the flu from the flu shot he got on Monday, L has the beginning of an ear infection and a virus that seems to be going around and I am just lazy due to the sudden onset of winter-like weather. Tomorrow should be better.

Ready for the market

Ready for the market, originally uploaded by afoos.

This is exactly how she went to the market with me last Sunday. We walked all the way up the street and back with her "Doll doll" and fake Prada bag

He didn't even realize (neither did we)

He didn't even realize (neither did we), originally uploaded by afoos.

No, we did not teach our son to flip off. He and his friend were playing pirates and, well, that's the finger he chose for his weapon. One of these days, we'll have a little talk with him!

Miss Pout

Miss Pout, originally uploaded by afoos.

Louise has a way of pouting. But, in all fairness, she's sick, so I forgive her, but it's just too dang cute. We kept her out of daycare today because she had 101 fever last night and she is kind of listless. I had thought about taking her to the American LIbrary for story time, but seeing the way she reacted to getting dressed, which is what you see in the pic, I decided maybe we should stay home and go see the doc instead this afternoon. It might be an ear infection.

Going Palinistic with(out) lipstick

First of all, I had to throw that lipstick part in there. I actually don't wear lipstick (or makeup for that matter). The last time I colored my lips was for my brother's wedding. The last time I wore makeup was almost 3 months ago. But, that's just an aside to this post. Women don't have to wear lipstick. And pit-bulls don't.

Anyway, I get relatively heated up over Sarah Palin, ballistic I would say. Actually, less so now that the general feeling I'm getting is that much of the US agrees that she is a joke. Finally, reason is reigning, at least in some. But, even though I can watch Tina Fey a thousand times over and still find her funny, I still can't bring myself to watch the infamous interview of Palin with Katie Couric, partly because of my anger at her responses, partly because I feel sorry for her and cringe at her utter ignorance, and partly because as a woman, she makes the rest of us look really stupid.

That last statement I tend to hesitate in writing. It's rather sexist and honestly, I think it's rather sexist to care so much about Palin's gender. In that case, I'm sorry for the image George W. Bush gave of men, because if we were going to stop at gender, well, the he sure made men look stupid the past 8 years in the White House. However, the fact of the matter is, women in American society have not yet reached the same level as men in such areas as politics. Why didn't we care about the 'image' W. presented of men? Because the fact that he's a man is acquired, a given, we ignore it because it's irrelevant. Unlike in France where a law states that women must hold a certain number of seats in Parliament, the US still has a little ways to go to get to the point so that we can ignore gender and not make it an issue (just like race, for that matter). This is why, as a woman who would like to see other women take part in politics just as much as men so that gender does become irrelevant, seeing a woman like Palin representing my gender (now I didn't say political affiliation, I'm just talking about gender, and I would feel the same way if a Democratic candidate presented herself in the same manner, luckily, Hilary didn't) just makes me want to cringe. I know she's trying her best, I know she probably has many qualities that the public doesn't see, but let's face it, the image she is portraying of women is that we are a joke and that we can't keep up in the race of politics, that we should just go back to our little towns and check out 3rd grade level books from the library to get our history facts. I just can't get Tina Fey out of my mind when she says "I can see Russia from my house", and the way she said it is exactly the impression I had of Sarah Palin during her interview: I think it's really sad when there's a very fine line between parody and reality. And, THIS is what people want in a candidate?

Anyway, just wanted to say that. I'll stop going Palinistic on you.

And, here I leave you with two quotes that I find very relevant to the current election. As I was reading Jane Eyre last night, these words jumped out at me: 

"Prejudices, it is well known, are most difficult to eradicate from the heart whose soil has never been loosened or fertilized by education; they grow there, firm as weeds among stones."

"Some of the best people that ever lived have been as destitute as I am; and if you are a Christian, you ought not to consider poverty a crime."

If you don't understand what I mean by those quotes, then you're probably a Republican. Just kidding. If you don't understand what I mean, think about it. If you really don't understand what I mean, I'm happy to discuss.

A little advice for a change in attitude

With the birth of our little girl approaching in less than 3 months (well, it's supposed to be 3 months, but knowing me, it will be more like 2 and a half), I've started thinking about post-birth and how our routines will change and those endless sleepless nights, which inevitably get me thinking about how I will feed this little being once she is out of me. After Louise, I said, and you can quote me "When I have my third, there won't even be any nursing, I'm asking for a bottle right away." This statement is due to many factors.

With both Gab and Louise, we were in a much different place than we are now. To begin with, we moved a month after Gab was born and a month before Louise was born and really, I didn't take the time to explore the option of nursing or prepare myself mentally for its challenges. At the back of my mind, I had no problems with formula feeding a newborn, so when a challenge arose, I turned to the bottle as fast as I could. 

Now, before I go any further, let me just say that I am not a big advocate of BF as such. Sure, no one can deny it's great for baby's health and it's a lot better on the pocket book, but there is also one important factor that a lot of people forget: the mother's mental health. I think it is a lot healthier for the infant to have a peaceful feeling during each feeding rather than a feeling of "I think my mommy wants to throw me out of the window" and that BF should only go on if mother and baby feel comfortable with it. Funny, how when I switched to the bottle, that crazy murderous feeling went away! I personally think bottle feeding is a lot more practical- E can help with the feedings while I sleep, others can feed the baby, you can get into the backseat and baby can stay in the carseat during feedings if you are on the go and well, to me, it was a lot more practical not to mention a lot easier. Also, that bond thing that everyone talks about, I just didn't get. I felt way more of a bond AFTER I stopped BF than before. With two siblings now who would LOVE to give baby a bottle, I also can't deny that of them. Let's also talk about colic and being sick. Everyone kept saying BF babies were less sick and less colicky, but Louise didn't get a cold until she was 18 mos. old and both had very few digestive problems. All the BF kids we knew were sick all the time. Then, there's the sleep issue: sleeping through the night! All around there were kids with 'sleep' issues, most of them were breastfed and even at 6 months were getting up in the middle of the night. Gab and Louise were sleeping 12 hours a night by the time they were 2 months old (wish we could say the same for now!) So, after I spent 3 days in excruciating pain because Louise wasn't latching on correctly in the hospital and I had blisters on my boobs, I abandoned the whole thing right away when we got home from the hospital. Most who know me, know that BF is a very hostile subject for me, especially when I hear women say 'Well, I'm in postpartum depression and about to kill myself, but for my baby, I have to breastfeed, no matter what, I have to press on'. Formula, like the epidural (THANK GOD for that!) was invented for a reason.

This is why it may come as a shock to most that my attitude towards BF has started to change. Like I said, we are at a much different place now in our lives. The kitchen is done, no moving prospects on the horizon, heck, Alice's bed is made and ready to welcome her. I feel like I have the time to invest in a little research, to think about this feeding thing a little more. Also, I feel that my habits, even since we've had Louise, have changed and that I've become not only a little more frugal (and let me tell you, formula can cost up to 150 dollars a month) but also a little more green in the way I've tried to manage the house with switching to cloth diapers, making my own laundry detergent, using only vinegar and baking soda to clean the house, trying to reuse what we have instead of buy. Besides the financial factor (because 150 dollars a month is a nice chunk of money), it does bother me to be spending money on something that was made in a factory that I produce for free from my body. I don't doubt the quality of formula, but any way you put it, it's not natural and it's expensive to boot.  Already in our eating habits we pretty much eat only organic veggies and fruit and I really try to cut out as many processed foods as possible, so I look at the newborn's eating habits in the same light. 

Whereas with Gab and Louise I wasn't decided to BF, with this one, my mind is made up to give it a good try. However, I have some rules:

There will be pumping. Forget that nipple confusion BS, from the time I get home, I will use the Avent hand pump I bought on ebay to store milk in the freezer so that the whole family can participate. I won't be doing this all the time, but those bottles should come in handy when we have guests or when E can help in the feedings. And, I don't care what anyone says about 'exclusive' nursing for the first month, I'm not going to do it- she'll get bottles of pumped milk as well as nursing sessions.

If the sleep issue becomes a problem (i.e. she stays latched on the whole night) and it disturbs the whole family's schedule because I need to take time away from them just to figure out how to BF and get that routine down, we might have to turn to mixed nursing and formula feeding. I am big on that the whole family needs to be in harmony and that it's unfair for me to exclude myself and the baby just to feed.

I refuse to make BF more difficult than bottle feeding. That is, my psychological attitude has got to change and I need to be more zen about it. After all, it's just feeding a baby, what can be difficult about that? But, I do recognize that there might be problems and am ready to deal with them.

This time around, I'll try and get help, from the midwives, from those at the hospital, rather than stay in my corner not asking any questions. That way, I'll be more prepared when I get home. My maternity is also very pro-nursing, but you have to be willing to go forward and ask.

I am going to try the method I heard on the BBC where lying back actually can make it easier to nurse. Louise was 8 months old when I heard this report on the BBC and it made me wish for milk again so that I could try it, it sounded so convincing.

Finally, I don't really care about all that terminology: let down, hind milk or whatever, foremilk etc.... The only thing I need to know is latching on and the right way to do it and if it gets anymore complicated than that, well, then, don't complicate it for me because I might give up!

Anyway, if anyone has any advice out there for an almost converted breasfeeder, please share! (Unless it's to tell me that there can be nipple confusion if I pump, or if you want to tell me what all those complicated vocabulary words mean, please abstain!)

That's right, baby!

That's right, baby!, originally uploaded by afoos.

Me and my 2 and a half kids

Me and my 2 and a half kids, originally uploaded by afoos.