C'est ma vie

The kids first Loisvethe experience

Kid approved, originally uploaded by afoos.

After waking up at 6:30 am yesterday, the kids started acting very tired after lunch and we promptly put them to bed, hoping for a good two hours (we can always hope!). Etienne decided to take a nap too because he had only gotten 4 hours of sleep the night before. I had caught up some emails and just settled into Proust when, an hour later, I heard Gab come out of his room and Louise's cries of "Mommy".

We needed an activity, and fast, so we headed over to Loisvethe and enjoyed afternoon coffee, juice and cookies before the tea time rush came in and then went and played at the park across the street. Aimee's cookies were finger licking good, as you can see on the pic.

After that, I decided to drive to the north of Paris to the Marché St. Pierre to get some fabric for the curtains, but after an hour in traffic and Louise started to get restless, I decided to go home, that will be for another outing.

Ok, we're going home!

Ok, we're going home!, originally uploaded by afoos.

So, after we fought for Gab to play one game by trying our best to stand in line and being pushed and shoved all over the place, we could tell that Gab, too, was not enjoying himself. There were also so many people that it was difficult for us to allow Louise to run around, afraid she would be crushed.

The bad mood you see in picture is not a result of us telling Gab we were going home, it was a result of the chaotic ambiance of the Carnival.

I don't think my impressions of the Carnival necessarily deserve a generalization of the French culture, which was my first tendency. I really think it's Paris that prevents a sense of community from being formed. To each his own and the sense of individualism that is already present in the French culture is exaggerated in Paris. In the provinces, outside of Paris, there is more a sense of community and working together, but yesterday, it was seriously as though a bunch of families were forced to be together but we didn't really know the purpose. So, obviously there will be some disorder.

Gab's school Carnival

, originally uploaded by afoos.

The cake walk, the coke walk, the craft sale, the bake sale, the haunted house, these are some of the fond memories I have of my annual school carnival growing up. It would always be a family affair and it would be the occasion for us to socialize with other parents. The carnival was a real community effort.

When we got the note that Gab's school was having a carnival yesterday with games, a buffet and a parade put on by the kids, I had this hope of finding the same spirit of a time passed, but when we got to the school, my hope quickly dissolved.

It was a mad rush to take the kids up to their classrooms before the parade. E was to join us so I was there alone with Louise in her stroller, Gab to take up to his classroom and a mad rush of parents crowding into the school building pushing each other like a claustrophobic herd of cows. I saw another mother of a girl in Gab's class also there alone with her one year old, so without even thinking, I said, "Why don't I take the kids up to the class and you can stay here with the babies". Instead of saying, "Sure, good idea" she contemplated for at least a minute before agreeing.

The animal procession was done around the school and promptly afterwards we were to start the games and have access to the buffet. We were supposed to buy a punchcard to pay for the games and the buffet. I bought the punch card with 12 boxes and had wondered if I shouldn't buy more because, after all, this was a school carnival and if my memory served me right, you spend hours at school carnivals and need lots of tickets for the games. But, I couldn't help noticing that people had only bought the 5 box punchcards and some people hadn't even bought any punchcards- What in the world? Well, I quickly realized why.

There was no organization whatsoever. I couldn't tell where the lines were and you had to fight to play any sort of game. There was really no sense of community and each family was there, fending for itself, without interacting with others.

Continued above...

7 odd things

Sarah put a meme up on her blog and thought I would give it a whirl. I've never done a meme just because I find they're like e-mail forwards, kind of redundant. But, I need a change of pace for a blog post right now because all I want to do is write about the injustices that I'm experiencing right now at work and I need something to curb that. So, here it goes:

1/ I was part of the OU bowling team. I sucked and averaged around 50 but still went to Vegas with the team for a tournament. Let's just say they needed an extra person. My roomie was like state champion at bowling and I would go with her just to bowl for fun on Thurs. night team practices. Well, it was less expensive to join the team than to have to pay for renting a lane on my own, so I thought what the heck, I'll join. My mom ended up getting me all the bowling gear for Xmas- ball, shoes, wristguard. I promptly abandoned bowling after our Vegas catastrophe and sold the gear to someone on campus.

2/ Even if the bed is unmade, I have to remake it before actually climbing into bed. Please don't ask me why, I'm weird like that.

3/ Every Fall, I listen to Loreena McKinnet a month on end. There's something about her music mixed with a cinnamon and spice candle, the brisk air and the vibrant colors of Fall that make me feel comfy and remind me a little of Oklahoma autumns.

4/ I absolutely positively cannot stand to eat seafood or fish or anything that comes from the sea, for that matter. I'm not allergic, but as soon as the slightest "sea" taste gets into my mouth, I get the gag reflex.

5/ The one regret I have in life is quitting dance at too early of an age. I am constantly tempted to enroll in an adult ballet class and have already taken several jazz classes at OU and in Paris, but somehow, I'm afraid that a ballet class will remind me of this regret I have for quitting dance even before I really started.

6/ I'm kind of a go with the flow type person. My ambitions are the ambitions of the moment and change according to the circumstances in my life. I never really knew that I wanted children or how many, I just went with the flow. At one point, I was set on getting my PhD in French and becoming an ambitious professor, but I just went with the flow and met Etienne and married him instead. I would love to become a university professor here, but I am going with the flow of it right now. My only true ambition career wise was to become a teacher, but since that decision, I have been a teacher in so many places with so many different ambitions in each place. Sometimes, going with the flow can get me in trouble, especially with decision making because I'm not a good decision maker, I just go with the flow and am not too picky. But, sometimes, I can not be willing to go with the flow. In those cases, "je fais ma tête" as the French would say.

7/ I consider myself selfish and am fully aware of my selfishness. Sometimes, I am embarrassed by it like when I catch myself talking an hour about myself on the telephone with my mom or someone else. But, being aware of it has allowed me to make some efforts to be more aware of others. Still not fully there yet, but I'm working on it.

Okay, so there you go! Take this meme if you want it but it sure was a fun exercise in forgetting about this horrible week and doing something amusing for a change!

The Good and the Bad

It was much worse than I thought, the official report of my teaching evaluation last week and I didn't hesitate in saying that I wasn't in agreement with what the person wrote. He is going to try and change 2 or 3 "words" but the basis remains the same, very negative. He also went onto say that "Don't worry, I've seen student teachers worse than you". So, this is assuming that I'm pretty bad to begin with? Talk about someone who sees the cup half empty rather than half full.

Many other student teachers said I should go talk to the director about this obviously very subjective outcome because it just isn't fair. But, I didn't have to because I saw her in the hall today and she said she wanted to speak with me. I didn't even have to open my mouth and she said, "I am aware that two of my colleagues have given you bad reports for your teaching."

Very diplomatic, she continued saying that she is more or less caught between a rock and a hard place. I have 4 positive reports in my file and then two of her colleagues, one of whom is in no way supposed to evaluate me, are pushing for my file to not be validated so that I'll have to do another year over again. She said the only way for her to get an objective opinion is to sollicit an inspector to come to my class, to see for herself because often the inspectors have a totally different opinion than those who have had us in class and who have more subjective opinions. She asked my permission to call the inspection and I caught myself non-reluctantly saying 'yes' because in any case, the jury in a month might decide to call the inspection after they see my file.  In a way, I am reluctant because I am taking the risk that that one day my class will go badly. But, in another way, I think it could be good for me to have another opinion and if it goes well, which I am almost sure it will, it will really validate my student teaching year and there will be no more ambiguity.

Please cross your fingers for me! I still don't feel that this whole situation is fair as I've worked my rear end off this year and my teaching isn't even being put into question. Hopefully, the inspector will see that I don't need to do another year over again. The most frustrating thing is that I know for sure other student teachers who are horrible in class and because they got the right people on their sides, they will pass. The director said to me today that if I have to do another year again, it's not a big deal. I told her that to me, it was, and that I can't put my family through that stress again. She said it will get worse when I have 6 classes next year to manage if I don't start off on the right foot now and I told her that it wasn't my classes that stressed me out, it was this year!!!

And yet more school vacation

Only one more week of school left and we are on yet another 2 week break. Contrary to the other time in between classes and school vacation, I haven't seen this 6 week period go by. A lot of colleagues have noticed how zen and relaxed I look and they are partly right. But, what they don't see is that fatigue is creeping up on me as the school vacation approaches. Gab has decided to pull some sleep stunts on us again and wake up at 6 every morning despite daylight savings time which should theoretically make him sleep an hour longer and that means that E and I are pretty worn out because it leaves us little time to work on school stuff.

During the vacation, my only goal is to complete the 20 pages of papers I have left and need to turn in by May 5. My French must be impeccable seeing that I have a feeling that my student teaching year is on line and this is the only thing that can save me. But, we are still going to get away and get a little R and R in a place where the kids will have some room to run around. A yard = me being able to work while the kids play. An apartment= the kids going crazy and me not being able to get one thing done (welcome to our weekends). We could have stayed in Paris and taken them to daycamp and daycare, but they deserve some vacation too. E's cousin is graciously allowing us to borrow their seaside house in Brittany for a week in an absolutely adorable village where we are sure to be able to enjoy the fresh sea air while taking many walks. Then, the second week, Gab will go to E's mom's while Louise goes to the daycare during the day so that I can put the final touches on my papers.

So, that's what we'll be up to in a couple weeks. Until then, it's not the classes I'm teaching that I'm trying to get through, it's the unknown outcome of this year, which is secretly weighing on me somewhere, even though I'm pretty zen about the whole thing on the surface.

Not our year

We reserved our plane tickets today, after I called out for some parental help to see if they might have some FF miles available. I don't like asking my parents for help. Part of me (okay, a majority of me) thinks that I'm an adult, we have kids, responsibilities, we shouldn't be asking our parents for help like this. We should be able to manage on our own. Besides, they have already been overly generous with us. But, alas, I caved in, reminding myself that I haven't asked for too much (or at least that's my impression!) from the parental figures and lo and behold, my mom did have a couple miles to spare for my ticket. One ticket less to pay has alleviated our stress by exactly 1/3 and we even were able to book the same flight for E and co. so we are all flying together.

When we found out about my brother's happy event a year ago, we decided to use the money I was getting from losing my old job, my severence pay, to fund the plane tickets. When I went to enroll for my check, I got a wakeup call and a welcome to France call because the fine print said that you had to enroll by a certain date, if not, you would lose your pay. I thought you had to wait until you got all of the unemployment papers from your employer to enroll, so I waited like a good little girl with all of my ducks in a row before going to the office with the completed paperwork. Well, that lost us 3 months salary thus the plane ticket funding. We contested it with certified letters but they still refused based on one little date. I even cried on the phone with the woman, but that still didn't work. Then, things just came down from there- a huge amount of taxes to pay because of the court case we had previously won that year, 500 dollar ticket in London for leaving our car 5 min. before the free parking started, getting ripped off on a car repair and paying double- this year, our theme was "ripped off."

Well, E and I are tired of being so dragged down by this consumerist society. We have really made efforts this past month to cut back and they have paid off little by little. I know if we keep it up, we'll start to see a light at the end of the tunnel and even be able to save some for our trip this summer. I think I might have to start a 'slow' something for a couple months, except for the occasional tea at Aimee's which I'm craving right now!

The ironic thing is that by having a third kid, we would actually increase our salaries almost by as much as we are making in car payments! Maybe that should be our new job?

Really, though, we've decided to stop putting ourselves into situations where we are constantly being ripped off. Easier said than done. Especially if you know us.

I know it's not commode to talk about this type of stuff but sometimes I think people are so stressed about life because they don't talk about it enough.

Where the weekend went...

Wow, here it is 9 pm on Sunday night and I barely saw the weekend fly by. Although I do feel like I got caught up on some much needed sleep, not from sleeping more but from sleeping very soundly both Friday and Saturday night, our weekend was a whirlwind of projects.

We spent literally 6-7 hours researching possibilities for going to the US this summer. At one point we were so frustrated and taken aback at how much we are going to spend (which ends up being 3 months of my salary) on just getting there that we started thinking that maybe it's not reasonable for us all to go. We had even limited it to just me and Louise going but knowing that this would end up causing relational problems with my family because they are expecting us all to be there. But, at what point do you put family before finances and vice versa? This is what was the most frustrating aspect. Etienne and I both hate to let money get in the way of an important family event, but there are also limits and the prices we came up with for next summer were about at those limits. Finally, we decided that we'd just dip into our savings and swallow that sour pill. We were also planning on taking E's nephew with us, of course his parents are paying for his ticket, and I know that he would have been really disappointed if we cancelled, not to mention all of my family, especially those who had never even met Louise and not seen Gab since he was a baby. So, this is what ate at our minds from about 5 pm yesterday evening until about noon today.

I have also been working on this paper that was supposed to be turned in last week. Technically, it's written (8 pages), but I am or wasn't at all happy with the results and it still needs more references. It's now more and more put together and E needs to read it to make sure it makes sense in French. But, with the kids, who require so much attention outside of nap times and bed times (but by then I'm too tired to do anything), it has been nearly impossible to work.

We did spend a good couple of hours at a new local park today, which was great for the kids. We had been cooped up in the apartment the whole weekend and it was getting to the point that either the parents go crazy or the kids, so we decided to alleviate all of the cabin fever and it did the whole family a lot of good. Etienne even made dinner tonight so that I could continue working (I shouldn't be so harsh on him, he does contribute sometimes and he actually made chicken and carrot purée, something else besides pasta!).

Needless to say, laundry has been piling up, my weekly housework routine hasn't been done in 2 weeks, and my own cooking is slacking (although I did make the kids donuts this morning, thanks Sarah for the recipe, they loved it!), but as a recent commentor said, worrying about these things is very French, so I decided not to care. Right now, I need to work on passing this year.

One highlight of the weekend is getting my sewing machine up and running again. I started a quick project on a smock for Louise as a test before tackling the curtains and am crossing my fingers that it will turn out. So far, so good, but I haven't really had time to spend more than 30 min. on it.

Well, that's it for now. Gotta get up at 5 am tomorrow to work on school since that seems to be one of the few times I don't have kids and when I have enough energy after a good night's sleep. And, since I'm such an awful teacher who doesn't invest enough as it already is, I am getting ready to spend double the time planning classes. Which means, night night for now.

Never Again

We have spent literally 4 hours looking up the best way for us to get to the US next summer. Never again would we go in the dead middle of summer we said 4 years ago when we went in the summer. Plane tickets go from 500 to 1000 in the blink of an eye. Well, let me tell you, this is giving me a headache just thinking about it. The cheapest we've found so far is to fly into Toronto and drive to Houston. A long drive, but it will save a significant amount of money. Then, we started looking up car rentals because we are a family now and can't just get by hitching rides from my family, so we'd have to rent a car whether we land in Houston or not, well that's another thousand easily gone. Good thing we have savings because there goes half a years salary right there.

Either we need to get new jobs, I shouldn't have married a Frenchman and lived so far away from the US, or we will never go to the US in the summer again!

Some Sunshine in a Gloomy Week

One of the highlights of my week just happened to fall on the most beautiful day of the week weatherwise yesterday when Etienne and I had lunch at a friend's new café. The food was excellent and just perfect for a healthy lunch. Etienne had a huge salad and soft-boiled eggs and for a meat and potatoes guy, he said that he had eaten way too much! I had the feuilleté de chèvre which I was delighted to order because one of our old haunts near Les Halles stopped serving this and I hadn't been able to find one as good since. This one was even better! I tried a great Roobios (a mixture of blueberry and some other berries) which I'm craving as I write this. I might just turn into a tea drinker now! And, let's not talk about the fondant au chocolat, homemade by the owner herself! Death by chocolate.

Seeing someone live their dream, glowing and a total natural, was what I needed to boost my own self-confidence. Aimee's radiance in her new café is contagious and we are so happy for her. The tea room/café is adorable and I look forward to going there to knit, to work and to try and catch some of that sunshine that the owner brings as soon as you step in the door. And, now, finally, after 6 years in Paris, we have a reliable address to take friends and relatives when they come! So, if you are in Paris, go check out L'Oisevethe, you will not regret your experience.

Congratulations Aimee, you are doing a great job!