Nagging

Not only did I have a nagging cold that has turned into a sinus infection that has kept me down all yesterday and then today but my husband has also decided to be in one of his nagging moods and did I mention that I'm not really in the mood, with a mild fever and a head that's about to burst?

I thought it was common myth that it was the woman's role to "nag." Well, not in our household. Here, the roles have been reversed. See, as I've explained before, between learning the tricks of the trade of being a teacher in the French secondary school system, which has taken up a great deal of my time this year, and raising two little ones who require a significant emotional and physical investment of time as well as trying to maintain a household (meaning cooking and cleaning the premises), when I do have 5 seconds to myself, I don't want to be hassled with the other daily worries of life- such as bills, trips that need to be planned, photos that need to be labeled, letters of complaint that need to be written. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I either think these things will miraculously be accomplished on their own or that maybe these are Etienne's part of managing our small little factory.

Today, I am not feeling up to par. After mustering up the energy to take the kids to school and daycare, when I came home, it was all I could do not to crash. But, I did try and get some work done this morning nonetheless. And, all this time there was the dreaded pull: "We need to write that letter to the parking commission in London" "We need to plan our trip to the US" "We need to solve our money problems". There was an hour this morning when he was watching a movie when I breathed a sigh of relief and said to myself, "Good, an hour of tranquilité" But, then it started again, the nagging. I didn't remind him that he has about 5 hours worth of papers to grade- how's that for nagging? Right now, I am in bed, getting ready for a nap. At least I have sickness as an excuse for my laziness (a.k.a. not wanting to take part in my responsibilities to plan trips, to pay bills, to solve problems). Now you understand why it is so difficult to get anything done, even when the kids aren't here.

Sometimes, though, I do ask myself what this notion of "time to oneself" really is. I am particularly selfish and self-indulgent and enjoy immensely having all the time in the world to plan and schedule things as I so wish. The problem is that in a family, you can't always schedule things the way you like them and this is something I struggle with on a daily basis. (as in today- I can't totally do what I want because of the nagging husband) If I were completely alone, I wouldn't feel guilty about taking an hour to read or knit during the day, but with E and the kids, I only reserve this time for at night, when it is acceptable to take a little time for pleasure. The problem is that even these times are more and more restricted because we have so many other things we should be doing that if I do, in the back of my mind, schedule every evening for myself, it means putting off some more pressing things around the house. What is more important? Is this nightly routine of "time to myself" not really my own attempt to control the schedule of the family around myself? Maybe if I took that time to attack some of that insipid "to do" list, which would mean a big effort on my selfish part, maybe in the end we would be more organized and there would be less nagging and I would really, truly have free time? And maybe I just need to stop "scheduling" free time in the evenings all together- maybe that's too ambitious? What are your thoughts? Does anyone struggle with the same things?

Comments

[Tara]

um... why can't he do these things without your help?
Maybe we just have this weird relationship where I cook but he makes leftovers and lunch, we both clean, we take turns planning trips, etc. Don't feel guilty for wanting sometime to yourself now and then. After all, knitting is much cheaper than therapy.