I already have 3 children

As I was walking the kids to their daily destinations- daycare and school- the possibilities of the day kept going through my mind. Cleaning the house, then maybe some knitting to finish a baby gift that urgently needs to be done, start packing for our trip next week, a little reading curled up on the couch sipping a cup of tea, calling a friend and talking on the phone for an hour, then maybe an afternoon nap. See, for the first time in I don't know how long, I had a weekday off, completely free. Then, I remembered Etienne was at home.

I was reminded of this fact as soon as he woke up shortly after I returned dropping off the parcels at their destinations and the first thing he did when he saw me in the living room doing nothing (okay, I was really checking my e-mail), was "Oh, this is a great time to plan our trip to the US next summer." I don't think he got the memo about my plans for the day. So, I reluctantly put my plans aside to look into plane tickets. Then, some type of girl power came over me or something and I thought, this is silly. He was alone here all day yesterday with no wife, no kids and he could do whatever he wanted, so danggummit, I should be able to do nothing less today, my one rare day where I am at home. Not breaking this news in the most tactful of manners, this did not go over well and we, again, were in a situation where "here she goes again doing her stuff and nothing else ever gets done."

Let me clarify a few things. My stuff did include doing the weekly housework, which you would think involves something that needs to be done for the well-being of the whole family. Nope, nada, nilch. Etienne neither sees the importance of this activity nor cares whether he lives in filth, so when he sees me cleaning the toilet bowl, I might as well be knitting because to him, they both are activities that should really be put off until everything else is done. And, let me add that E absolutely HATES it when I do housework when he's around. He reminds me of our dog, Porsche, who would run away from the vacuum as soon as it was turned on. He really cannot stand me going around dusting, vacuuming, cleaning windows here and there when he's present. The paradox is that he would prefer the housecleaning to be outta sight and outta mind but that since he can't see the difference between a clean and dirty apartment, if I don't do it when he's here, he builds it up in his mind that I never do the housekeeping (even though I actually do it once a week). And, it never fails, every time I go on a big housecleaning expedition, E says "What are you doing that for? it's not like you ever do it, so why are you OC (obsessive-compulsively) doing it now when there are thousands of other things to do?" That's when I remind him that I have this little WEEKLY housecleaning routine and that to me, it is a priority to get it done once a week. So, my plans today to clean up the place might as well have been sitting on the couch the whole day because to E, both of them are of equal uselessness.

Then, I had to go and wash the sheets (I won't even tell you how long it had been since the last time, I don't want to turn readers away!) and this, my friends, is the ultimate sin when E is around. See, you can't just expect for them to be done in an hour. With French washers and dryers, it takes a good half a day, so they are still in the dryer and it's about time to go get the kids. E likes to take naps and takes one almost every day (his mom still blames it on jetlag from his year-long stay in the US 20 years ago). Today, I just happened to doze off on the couch after lunch and when I woke up, I went into our room and found E sleeping on the sheetless bed. At least I wasn't there to hear him say "Why did you have to wash the sheets now?" (Don't worry, I'm used to that line by now!)

Sometimes, I think I have a 3rd kid already with us. I don't know if any of you other women out there feel the same and have a hard time carrying out your activities when DH is around, but when a friend called and I talked for 2 hours (okay, maybe that is a little extreme!), if I had been alone, I wouldn't have felt guilty, but with E here listening to our silly girl conversation, I felt like I should have been doing something else, like planning the trip to the US. Knitting or sitting down to read a book in between cleaning the toilet and folding laundry are activities that are very difficult to accomplish during E's waking hours because, how can I explain it, it's not that E needs constant attention but there's just something about those activities that are very individualistic and show my rejection of any form of human contact (unless you want to grab some knitting needles as well and have a chat, but girl talk is required) and I just can't bring myself to do them when E is here, in the apartment, because it really is a sign of my introverted self. Now, as I am blogging, E is taking his nap and I feel free to write, to knit, to do what I want. After 6 years of marriage and now with 2 kids, I think this is the hardest battle- when not to be selfish. When I have days like this and find myself at home, all I want to do is what I have planned but I soon lose sight that I am no longer I but "we", a couple who happen to be teachers who happen to have some days where we will find ourselves at the apartment either agreeing or disagreeing on our activities for the day.

Well, I guess there's always tomorrow, another rare day off. The babysitter is taking Louise (we still kept her for Thursdays) and I plan on getting my hair done, going to Starbucks to knit, and getting caught up on a couple of letters I need to write. My children will be taken care of then and I will be indulging in activities that definitely, 100 percently do not involve getting anything done for the family like planning the trip to the US. I tell you, I am an evil, wicked and selfish woman sometimes.

PS I actually like doing housework, it's kind of therapeutic for me. I am thinking that E hates seeing me do that because it reminds him that part of me isn't the intellectual poser gal I claimed to be but a housewife that likes to do housework!

Comments

[Tara]

That all seems so weird to me. I suppose because Bert and I share the household duties and planning and such. He helps me clean, he likes to plan trips and find good deals, and we both know and respect the importance of taking time out to relax and veg. (we do that quite a bit). The knitting at Starbucks trip sounds wonderful! I need to catch up on some knitting.

[pinfrance]

Well all I can say is that I think that you are stronger woman than I. Not only does he not do anything but he also complains when you do! Wow I would see red, you are way too patient.Good grief it’s 2007 after all….team work is the way to go in working couples nowadays, it’s only way to survive.

I would have banged him over the head with a dust pan a long time ago and told him to stop being so ‘intellectual’ about something so trivial but essential and that he gets his butt into the bathroom and a toilet brush in his hand ASAP and he can contemplate Proust for as long as he likes while he scrubs, buffs and polishes.

[PJ]

i'm with pinfrance.

[Alice]

Wish I could say I liked housework... Your apartment must be so spic-and-span clean! Could you rub some of that off on me? I'm so scared I'm never going to be able to keep the apartment clean once the baby is here, and yet I know how important it is... Then again, I AM a bit OCD about some things, like putting things back where they belong... It's weird, our little habits, huh?!

And when my boyfriend is around, I always end up caving in and doing what HE wants to do too. So I can completely relate to that! He could let the housecleaning be neglected for weeks on end without even noticing. "Bordellique" is his middle name after all!