Sucky Birthday

Well, it's not that great of a day. I've written on here how birthdays just aren't celebrated in France and ever since I've gotten here, besides the party I had last year, I haven't really had a great birthday, so why should I think my 30th to be any different? Maybe it's what I deserve in the end.

I hesitate writing why my birthday basically sucks this year because of the impression it will give and because of how personal it is. I stopped writing long ago about the negative things I experienced in my marriage because I started getting people who thought the wrong things about Etienne and thinking he's this awful person just because of the words I was writing when we all know that we write or say things we don't mean when we are upset and that my viewpoint of things was completely subjective. So, take my story with a grain of salt.

It all started yesterday when I was looking for a Lebanese restaurant online and Etienne said "Well, I don't want to go anyway..." It was his idea in the first place to get a babysitter and for us to go out to a restaurant and it showed the effort he was making for my birthday. See, he could care less about restaurants- it's definitely not his cup of tea whereas I love going out to eat once in awhile, so it was really an effort on his part to suggest that we go out. But, then there was yesterday, and he no longer wanted to go but said he would go if I wanted him to. At that moment, I hesitated canceling with the babysitter but thought, oh, he'll get over it.

Well, today came and he's still not over it. See, he's angry with me and has to choose my birthday to express his frustration. He's bored, I guess, tired of me getting up in the morning and living a very routine life and then the night comes and at 10 I can barely keep my eyes open and literally once I hit the pillow I fall into this deep, almost coma like sleep, instantly. He hates that I'm a log and that that log aspect carries over into the daily life through routine. I definitely think every married couple goes through this and of course we have our normal ups and downs but did it have to be my birthday?

So, I've been depressed today because from the very moment I woke up, well, it hasn't been too much fun. I had planned on going to the Sunday market to get the last minute food items for tomorrow and then baking the peanut butter chocolate pie that needs to sit overnight and then packing- all while looking forward to our one restaurant outing of the year, but I don't feel like it.

E just took the kids to the park so right now, I am going to eat the chocolate E's mom got me and muster up the courage to do something. And you know what? I might just go and by myself a bday cake- at least Gab will enjoy blowing out the candles.

Comments

[Beth]

We tried to call you a minute ago to wish you a happy birthday but it went to voicemail. We will try again later. I'm sorry your birthday has not been going so well today...but we are thinking about you and hopefully we can have a little birthday celebration in Rome too. Happy Birthday! We love you.

Tony & Beth

[Gillian]

I'm coming out of 'lurkdom' as I think you need another 'Hppy Brthday' So pin on a grin-even if you end up looking like Jack Nicholson-and have a great time. Keep writing and I will keep reading...(you're on my 'fave blogs' button.)

[nikki c]

hi! happy 30th birthday! i've never met you but love reading your blog each day! :) have a wonderful start to a wonderful new decade. yay birthdays!

[Betty C.]

As per birthdays in France, I find the "decade" birthdays are often celebrated to the hilt, but it's often the person him/herself, or the person's family, who organizes some huge and expensive bash. But I agree, there aren't necessarily so many little attentions showered on the birthday girl.

I wish you a very happy birthday, anyway, and make up for it with a great Christmas! The IKEA cooking set is darling!

[Betty C.]

Hey, as a follow-up to the above, I sent you a rather long email, but it didn't go through. If you want it, send me a quick email at my address with your current address...I thought I had some insights that could be of interest to you (says the seasoned forty-something expat...)