C'est ma vie

Transformation

Gab has just finished his second week of school and although he's still not too decided that he likes it, we have seen a world of difference in him. He has become the boy everyone talks about! Let me explain. Every time he's at E's mom's or with his godmother or when we send him away to E's uncle's for a week in the summer, he is a perfect angel. Up until now, we had yet to experience the presence of this perfect angel and we were wondering if our son did indeed have two different personalities or if we were just going crazy. After two weeks of school, I can now safely say that the perfect angel does exist and I am convinced that school has helped his presence to be known to us. After school and on the weekends, Gab actually comes home and plays BY HIMSELF and can occupy himself for hours. He no longer asks to eat his breakfast in the living room and now has all of his meals in the kitchen at the table like a big boy. He asks us permission to do things, like today when we went to the park, he asked permission to let go of our hands to go play. He always holds our hand now when we are out and if we let go, he insists. He eats everything we give him at meal time. When we ask him to help us to clean up or to take a bath, he does so without complaint. He is very polite and always says thank you or merci, depending on who he's talking to (but this, I have to say that he's always been good at) And, TV, what TV? He never asks for it anymore. Because of his good behavior that we are so proud of, he is rewarded on the weekend with being able to watch a movie before going to bed. And, let's talk about bedtime- a piece of cake. No more getting out of bed- he just stays right in there. Let's hope this isn't a phase and that this will continue!

Our time with our kids this weekend has been so pleasant with no stress. I'm still jetlagged, but that hasn't phased me because the kids, Gab especially, haven't worn me out. We've gone out and done lots of fun stuff but have also had downtime at home and that time hasn't been stressful in the least like it was this summer. Maybe there's a transformation going on in all of our lives...

I am not tired with boredom like I was last year. I love my job and instead of dragging me down, it lifts me up and I can't wait to get back in there tomorrow. I like challenges and it is a challenge that I am ready to tackle to get those kids to stop talking long enough to learn some English this year. Gab's school is really good for him too and I can already see our little boy blooming. His personality is such that he needs to know limits and I think school has set up a good framework for him that we could no longer give him completely at home.

Oh, and did I mention that not spending 3 hours in Paris traffic to drive to the other side of Paris has changed our lives in more ways than we realize? We get home at 4:30 everyday and have a very long and relaxing evening, which is wonderful. You don't realize how worn out traffic makes you until you don't do it anymore. I really think this is going to be a good year and a time for all of us to grow.

Order in the Classroom

One of my biggest problems teaching thus far that I didn't encounter when I taught adults is discipline. My 6th graders are talkers. I'll tell them to be quiet and that lasts for about 3 seconds and then they start chatting again. And the problem is that since they are all chatting, I can't single them out. I had dreams of an orderly classroom: they enter, remain standing until I say Good morning or afternoon, they sit down and they are quiet so that we can start class with the date, warm up, lesson of the day, and closing. The reality behind that is that I haven't been strict enough and I just hope it isn't too late to start a good discipline routine starting tomorrow.

Friday I finally gave them all a cross, telling them that since they are mostly all talking, they are all going to get punished. Sure, there were 2 or 3 who weren't and they probably shouldn't have gotten a cross. After I told Etienne of my problems, he said that I will have problems with the parents if I start doing that and that tomorrow I need to get order in there and start singling out the talkers and that under no circumstance should they open their mouth without raising their hand.

So, tomorrow we're starting boot camp. The will line up 2 by 2 in the hallway (they were already good at doing this), they will enter the class, remain standing and sit down after Good morning or Afternoon. I am going to explain to them that I've decided to take away the crosses I gave them all because I realize it wasn't fair but that they should take that as a warning for the future and the first person who talks, the very first person who opens their mouth without raising their hand will get a punishment. I think up to this point I wasn't clear about that and that's a mistake I made. I'm so used to working with adults who will ask me things out loud and it's fine because they control the chatting during class but with 11 year olds, you just can't do that. If you let one person speak without raising their hand, you might as well kiss order goodbye and that was my mistake the last class- I let too many students ask questions out loud without raising their hands.

Order in the classroom, indeed. I'm nervous about being able to succeed in this but if I don't, then it's sure that I won't pass this year. One of the things they are looking for is that you can control your class. If any of you have had experience teaching this age and have ideas that have worked for you with chatting, I would love to hear!

5 years

Wow, I can't believe that 5 years and two beautiful children later, Etienne and I are celebrating our anniversary again! To remember our special day, we always return to the restaurant where my dad hosted the rehearsal dinner the night before the wedding, just up the street from E's mom's. And, every year I still remember the weather we had the night before we got married, which magically brings me to our wonderful wedding and the memories we have.

I've learned a lot in these past 5 years. When we got married, I was 24 and still very much a twenty something in the way I did things and thought. I think a lot of the bumps we encountered those first couple of years had to do with my student like mentality clashing with Etienne's already thirty something mentality. As I approach 30, I am starting to understand what he meant and a little bit of time and maturity on my part has really helped our marriage grow instead of wilt. I recently read an article about how when you are in your 20s you constantly feel the need to apologize and prove yourself so you are defensive about everything but as you get older and move into your 30s and 40s you feel more stable in your life and more confident. And, I really feel that this is the case with myself and this realization has helped our marriage tremendously. We have also learned to communicate a lot more effectively. We are both difficult people with stubborn personalities and we have each learned to take a distance with that to open communication.

Not only am I looking forward to turning 30 but I am also looking forward to growing even further in our marriage and seeing what the next 5 years will bring.

A huge chill pill

I need to take a huge, and I mean HUGE chill pill. Etienne warned me about the stress that this year would bring, the stress that there is always a chance that my certification will not be validated and that I'll be asked to do a second year. But, the stress level has gotten out of hand. I'm not hungry, I can't sleep, I've lost weight and I'm on edge all the freaking time. And, I thought the teaching test was stressful, this is worse because at the back of your mind you are always thinking that if you don't pass your student teaching year, you've lost all those years of preparation that went into passing the test. Every hour of every day, I ask myself 'How can I possibly not pass? I do my work, I prepare my classes' but then I think of the stories of those who do fail when they probably worked too. Do I fit into the mold? I am sure the hell trying. I love my job, love my students, love planning classes, love being up there in front of them and showing them that English is indeed a living language, but is all that enough? What if it isn't?

Etienne has been a gem, listening to me nonstop- my guilt, my worries, my stress. Finally, today he said "I know what you are going through, I've been there, but the only sure way to fail is to continue stressing and worrying and acting like a little mouse rather than a confident teacher who knows what she's doing. Even if what you are doing isn't exactly what they are looking for, acting confident and that you are sure of it will get you a lot further than wavering, and besides, you are already doing 100 times more than I ever did, you are doing great."

I am just going to hope he is right and that I am on the right track to succeed because if this stress level continues, I am going to go into cardiac arrest, and that is no joke.

Our family

Our family, originally uploaded by afoos.

I don't know if it's weird to blog pics of a funeral or not, but I'm going to. I'm not going to say I had a good time, but it was a memorable time and I'm so glad I made the decision to go because these are times you can never get back. Not only did I say goodbye to my dear and beloved grandmother, but also to the hometown I spent so much time in and have so many fond memories of growing up. We'll be back, but a place without people seems so lifeless, so ordinary, and Bartlesville is slowly becoming a place just like any other place and the memories cannot be recreated in this place and the only place they will become alive again is in my heart. So, I mourn for the passing and fleeting of life but also rejoice that I can now truly make my home and create new memories for my kids. It was such a blessing to be with my family and to share some good and bad times with them this past weekend. I love you guys!

Click on the pic to get to more flickr pics from the weekend.

If I get fired....

It will be because of all the French administrative stuff I am not aware of.

Actually, I won't get fired, but they can ask me to do this year over again, which I do not want to do. I don't want to go through this stress again of not knowing if I'll pass or not.

Saturday, I got on a plane for the good old USA. During my connection in Detroit, I called E back home. The first thing he said was 'Your principal from your school called and left a message, you need to call her Monday' Since Monday it would be 2 am in the US when she wanted me to call, Etienne called her.

This is what he tells me in an email this morning: Your principle hadn't seen that you asked to be absent. Some parents called and complained that you didn't write a note in the kids' notebook letting them know you'd be gone. She also was upset that you missed the orientation with the 6th graders.

Okay, first of all what orientation? I asked the English coordinator 3 times if I needed to go and he said no, only homeroom teachers. So, the parents were upset they didn't meet me. Second, I told the students to write a note in their notebook about my absence. So, upon my return, I need to go apologize a thousand times and try and make-up for the bad foot I've started out on.

This is exactly why Etienne almost never became a teacher. And, I am trying so hard to do a good job and it was obviously a mistake because I would never do that on purpose. What they don't tend to see in France is the difference between an intentional mistake and an unintentional one. But, I am going to just forget about it now. No need to worry, it's done and now all I can do it try and make up for it.

Being back in the US is surreal. It's weird to still smell the house the way my grandma left it, to drive her car and she's not here. I'm sad but trying to save the sadness for her funeral, trying to fight back the tears. My family jokes a lot, maybe too much at times, and a lot of our time together consists of telling funny stories. But, at least, right now, the funniness is welcoming, even though it is a lighthearted way to mask the sadness. The funeral is tomorrow. A lot of people will be there, including two of my close friends from HS and Tony's close friends. She was loved by a lot of people. It's weird to think this might be the last real time we come to Bartlesville, OK. But, I will come back. I want Gab and Louise to see the wonderful town I grew up in. After traveling the world, living in Paris, France, Bartlesville still looks like one of the best towns to come back to.

Gab hates school

Gab never went through that separation anxiety period that most babies go through around 9 months. He would go to the daycare day in and day out, would say goodbye to us and sometimes didn't even want to leave at the end of the day. In fact, he never has any problems going places without us- he stays with his godmother, Etienne's uncle, his mamie, and sometimes with friends- without problems.

We thought the first day of school went well. Then, we got to the second day and the minute I took him to the classroom, he started throwing a huge fit. The third day, (in France, there is no school on Wed.), we took him to the day camp offered by the school because I was at work the whole day and Etienne was working on his thesis, and when I went to pick him up, he just looked sad. The women who took care of him said that he would cry at times during the day. Then, today, the minute we left the apartment, he started crying and saying 'No, school' and it lasted all the way into the school, up to his classroom and gradually got worse until it was a full blown fit when we got to his room. He also made another girl start crying because she saw him and I guess it reminded her that her mommy wasn't there either!

There is nothing worse than seeing your child forced to go somewhere he doesn't want to go. But, we don't have a choice and school is school. Even though Gab will easily go to others, he easily goes to those who will pay attention to him and spend one on one time with him and I think the big surprise was at school, he is only one among 30 children in his class and the teacher just doesn't have time to baby him and single him out.

It breaks my heart to know that he isn't happy and now I'm leaving for the States so the poor thing isn't going to understand anything. But, hopefully in a couple weeks he'll get used to school and our new routine.

Etienne still doesn't have a job but is being paid! Vive les fonctionnaires (Vive civil servants!) This happened a couple years ago- they didn't have a job for him until 3 weeks after the beginning of school but as an employee of the state, they are obligated to pay you.

First

Today was a day for firsts- notably Louise's first birthday, Gab's first day of school and my first day of school. I think poor little Louise got the poor end of the deal because we didn't celebrate her first in the fancy way I would have liked, but I think she'll forgive us.

Gab went to school without a problem. We kind of expected to given that he was so used to going to the daycare and we had been talking about school the whole summer. He also loves meeting other kids, so we really didn't expect him to have a problem. When we came to pick him up, he acted weird, but I think it was just because of the change of going to school and then coming home- that's a first for him. Other than that, we got a full review of what he ate in the cafeteria at lunch and from what we gather, he is also ready to go back tomorrow.

My first day consisted of orientation at my new school to meet the other teachers, get acquainted with the building, etc... Go here to see where I'll be teaching next year! As an intern, I teach 7 hours on Mon/Tues/Friday and then attend my university education classes on Wed and Th the whole day. I found out today that I'll have a 6th grade class and 7th grade class and that my classes are scheduled pretty evenly. For example, a lot of times if you only do 2 hours in a day, they'll put one at the beginning and one at the end, but mine are all close together so there are 2 days where I just go for 2 hours in a row and then my day is finished and I can use that time to plan or grade papers. The ambiance in the school seems pretty good and the teachers seem to get along well. There aren't many new teachers but there is one new English teacher who went through the same thing I'm doing now just 3 years ago. We get along really well and I know she is going to be the one I turn to this year for advice and support. She's also a newbie, so we are in the same boat. My first classes are actually Friday morning, so I am going to spend tomorrow planning them out, making seating charts, etc... I also had to ask for a leave of absence next week to go to the funeral so am crossing my fingers that the principal will accept the request. All in all, a good day and I am looking forward to this year and meeting my students on Friday!

Louise Turns ONE

Louise Turns ONE, originally uploaded by afoos.

Louise turns ONE

Louise turns ONE, originally uploaded by afoos.

Our poor little Louise has the worst birthday- on the first day of school! I remember last year at this time, it was the day before back to school, and I was in the delivery room of the hospital wondering if she would be born on the 3rd or 4th. When I saw those chubby little cheeks for the first time, I instantly bonded with this little girl who has brought us so much joy this year. Such a mild and laid back character, so different from her brother, but also alike in many ways. Happy birthday Louise!

I feel so badly with the lack of celebration we had for her birthday. Instead of making a cake which I didn't have time to do, I stopped at the bakery to get a chocolate cake on my way home from work. She did have fun opening her presents, though, and I know she didn't realize that it was really her birthday. In fact, Gab enjoyed her birthday more than she did!