C'est ma vie

In a Slump

Lately, I've been in kind of a slump. Not depressed or anything, but aimless and unmotivated. Before Christmas I was on top of things- organized, eating healthy for the whole family, exercising, getting projects done. Then, at the beginning of January I got a cold and when I went back out for a run, I just wasn't motivated at all and haven't gotten that drive back. Then, things just kept falling out of place. I was back to being tired at 9 pm, I didn't want to cook, I was too tired to knit, administrative tasks kept piling up, and worst of all, things at home were just thrown together instead of being done well. From January until now, I would wake up every morning intending for that day to be the day when I would be active and get those thousand to-do things accomplished, get back into the exercise routine to boost my spirits, get the family back on track with the healthy eating. And, each day I'm still waiting.

Part of this lack of motivation is the upcoming test. I'm basically going just to say I went and to get yet another year of practice sitting in a confined room for 7 hours straight writing my hand off. There's no way I'll pass this year, due to the sheer fact that we're 3 weeks away and there are still two subjects that I haven't even looked at! But, I am really motivated for next year and have already mapped out a study plan to implement as soon as the test is over in April. With two kids, I am no longer capable of cramming and need a whole year to slowly learn things. Maybe my current aimlessness is due to the fact that my projects are on hold until the middle of April?

Then, there are other projects that just seem overwhelming. After 6 months in our new apartment, we still have so much to do, but it just seems overwhelming to get things done. But I'm still trying to figure out why? Why does it seem overwhelming to put up curtains? The other day I thought it would be nice to paint the kids' room. Why does that seem overwhelming? Or, why, when a year ago I was at my sewing machine every day for a month making things, does it seem overwhelming to even sew a straight line now?

Hopefully, the motivation will come back soon with the nice weather.

What are you doing?

Following her recent post, and their post not long ago, I decided to get on the global warming bandwagon too and talk about some of the things we do to be a little more green. We are by no means treehuggers and granola types, but there are just a few things we do to help protect our earth for future generations.

1/ Recycle. Just recently we have had enough room to have two recycling bins- one for glass, one for paper and plastic. With as much Coke and milk we go through, it has also helped our regular trash to not become full so fast and thus cut down our always having to run down to the trash.

2/ Cloth diapers and wipes. There are huge debates out there on this one and I have to admit that my main reason isn't really for environmental purposes, but despite the debates on how much water and energy they use, I still think cloth has to be better than packing baby poop around plastic and sending it to landfills.

4/ Reuse clothes. With kids, it's very hard to cut down on laundry, but when I can, I reuse pyjamas for a couple days and Louise can get away with wearing one pair of pants the whole weekend, with just having to change out the onesie and shirt. Unfortunately, we can't do that with Gab because of the endless amounts of spills we have to deal with! For us, we wear a pair of jeans for a week before washing and shirts are changed every other day. Sounds gross, but it's très European to do that and it cuts down on the laundry extensively.

5/ Le Campanier. I can't say enough good things about this system. Organic fruits and vegetables delivered to one location in your neighborhood, and you go pick it up once a week. This has changed our life because I don't end up throwing away nasty store bought vegetables that we don't eat. With le Campanier, we have a week's worth of seasonal vegetables accompanied with recipes for how to cook them (or you can just look on the internet) and it's been a real pleasure discovering new vegetables and fruits as a family.

6/ Reusable grocery bags. We have so many of these in the car, at home, in the stroller so we always have one on hand to do any type of shopping.

7/ Microfiber cloth and fewer cleaning products. I don't know if Microfiber is very good for the environment, but one of those and water is all I need to clean the house. It's amazing what these things can do. We don't need all of those smells to get the house clean, but I admit that I do add a little product because I like the smell of a clean house.

8/ Less laundry detergent. I didn't realize this until my recent cloth diaper venture (because all manufacturers of CDs suggest you use 1/4 of the recommended amount of detergent) but the amount of detergent on the side of the box is way more than you need to get your clothes clean. In fact, by using too much detergent, you are actually not getting your clothes clean at all but stocking a residue in them which traps the dirt. You know that clean smelling laundry detergent smell your clothes has? It's really just a smell covering up a mix of dirt and laundry detergent. If your clothes are really clean, you will smell almost nothing when they come out of the wash. Read here for more info.

9/ Drink tap water. We have to use bottled water for Louise because there is no way I am going to boil that much water, but we use a Brita filter and filter out the tap water for us. Why not use what the city takes great lengths to treat for us to drink? And all of those plastic bottles....

10/ Energy Saving light bulbs- that's pretty much all we use. It would be a dream to not have to take the car everyday, and hopefully next year that will be possible and Gab and Louise will be in one place in the morning and I'll not have to teach far away. The public transportation system in Paris is pretty great for getting around, even though we usually have to force our American visitors to get on the metro or bus (I think it's a demographic thing- in the US it must be considered lower class to take public transportation? But in France, no way, everyone takes public transport) I'd also like to have more herbs and plants around the house and force myself to remember to turn off lights. So, what do you do?

Sorbonne Confidential

If you can read in French and want to know what an anglophone, and especially an American anglophone goes through to become a teacher in France, check out this book.

Through her fictional character of Alice, Laurel Zuckerman retraces her hellish experience as she was preparing for the "agrégation", or what I like to refer to as "PhD exams" for all of you non French speakers who need an equivalent to understand what the heck it's all about (as there really is NO equivalent in the US). A mother of two girls, recently laid off from her white collar job, she decides to "go back to school" to become a teacher. Her enthusiasm is crushed from Day 1 and what follows is a year of eye opening struggles as she learns the prejudices and setbacks of the French system.

As I read this book, every feeling and apprehension the character Alice experiences, I vicariously experience déjà-vu. Sometimes, cringes of anger or tears of frustration swell in my eyes as I read of the professors coldly treating her as a stupid idiot, when her husband keeps telling her that she is not made to pass this test because she does not have the "exceptional talent and intelligence" required by the French system (luckily, Etienne doesn't feel that way and keeps repeating that the only talent you need is to BS, but it's me who feels like I will never have what they are asking for), the other students' drive for competition drowning out any desire to form friendships with fellow students, systematically receiving 0 in version and low grades on thème, not understanding the code needed for linguistics, and the beautiful exercise known as the "dissertation". I actually feel like Alice is my fictional double.

Laurel, you will probably never read my blog, but great job for writing this book and getting your voice heard. I know we have no other choice but than to adapt to this utterly absurd system but we have the right to criticize its stupidity as much as those pretentious professors at the Sorbonne have the right to treat us, mothers of children, straight A students from the US, eager to learn and absorb all information, as the last pieces of scum on the earth.

And, reading this book just reminds me of why I am having such a difficult time finding motivation this year: I'd much rather do research and spend years writing a dissertation (thèse) and taking classes for my PhD than spend every minute of my life for a year trying to figure out how to have the right method to fit in the mold. I've already gone through that hell with the CAPES and it was just that, hell. But, alas, you can't just do your PhD in France, you have to pass this exam before anything else. It won't happen this year, contrary to what Etienne believes, but it will happen one of these days. Maybe when I've been teaching in the system long enough I'll have left my enthusiastic, American way of encouragement behind me and become more Cartesian- and only then will I be able to accept the methods they require of you to take the agrégation.

Customer Service

This is an example of the risk you run with customer service when you order something in this country. I don't like to generalize about France versus the US, but unfortunately this is one area where I've come to the conclusion that this is truly the French way of doing things.

A month and a half ago I ordered some cloth diapers online from the first website I came to in France. They had such a big selection that I was instantly drawn to their website. Within two days, I placed two orders. This was before I really did a lot of research on cloth diapers and what I really should have gotten as our supply, so I looked on the website for their return policy to see if I could return anything I thought I might not use. No problems, once I got the order, I had 7 days. So, I waited, and waited and waited some more and my order never showed up. I looked it up on their website and it said it hadn't shipped, and there wasn't a phone number to contact them, so I wrote them an email asking if it would be possibe to cancel the order all together. No response. After 3 weeks total had gone by, I wrote them again. 2 days later the first shipment showed up and after going through it, I sent back more than half of the stuff. For the second order, I got a phone message saying that there was a problem with a color I had asked for and could I call them back. Good, I thought, I can just tell them to cancel the order- that is, if I could get ahold of them!!! Already, it's been two weeks and no answer and their voice mailbox is full!!! And, two weeks later and I still haven't gotten reimbursed for the stuff I sent back!!!!

I looked up opinions of this store online, and apparently I am not the only one who has had problems. It is a small, family owned business and the family apparently doesn't know how to run their business. I usually like to support this type of small, mom and pop store, but my opinion is also if you don't know how to run your business, then you shouldn't be in the business. After trying to call them AGAIN this morning to no avail, I wrote them another email, this time threatning more drastic measures if I have to, like contacting France's equivalent of the Better Business Bureau. After all, they owe me like 160 dollars and even though I think they are honest but just are overwhelmed with work so that's why they aren't on top of things, this has been going on for 5 weeks and this type, or lack of customer service needs to be stopped.

Lesson learned: Never, NEVER buy anything from Laudamay.

Max: Day 3

Max: day 3, originally uploaded by PutYourFlareOn.

WELCOME BABY BOY!!!! We are so excited to finally meet you and can't wait to introduce you to Gab and Louise. Be nice with your parents because you are just as lucky to have them as they are to have you.

(Max, like his name, is grandiose in all of his splendor: he entered this world at 10.9 pounds (4.940 kilos), so his mama had to have a c-section but is doing great!)

Wanted: Sleep

Going to get the kids at the daycare after spending a day on our feet teaching. An hour of backed up Paris traffic to get to our apartment on the other side of the city. Parking the car in the parking garage and hauling the two kids plus heavy work bags and other odds and ends up to the apartment. Walking in the door and the typical 5 minute settling in and taking off of coats, shoes, getting Louise out of her seat and into a comfortable and safe position to play for awhile, putting on a video for Gab so we can decompress. That's where the day routine ends and the evening routine begins, from 6 to 9 it's bathtime while I make dinner and try to fold a couple loads of laundry or take care of some other household chore, set the table, eat at 8 and then put the kids to bed. And, this is where our evening routine ends and our night battles begin. After the day and evening routine combined, all Etienne and I want to do when we put Gab in bed around 9 is our own activities: knitting, reading, computer, watering plants... Instead, we spend two hours in a battle that is mostly won by Gab- in and out of bed every 5 minutes for 2 hours straight. I'll just sit down at the computer and Gab is up again. So, put him in bed and sit down again and barely get to a website when he's up again. For two hours straight. Both Etienne and I split our time saying "It's your turn now" "No, I just put him back in bed, it's your turn" and then, after two hours of this, Etienne and I have had it and that's when we usually get into a fight about how we are raising our son. Etienne thinks we need to be way severe on him and I do too, but maybe not as much and so then it goes on for another hour, a screaming match between us on how I just want to let Gab get away with murder while Etienne is trying to discipline him so that he won't be spoiled.

Last night, we did something that will probably make you think we are the most awful parents. We turned on the small bed side light in his room to show him that he could play or read quietly in his bed until he was ready to fall asleep, then we closed the door and locked it from the outside. We figured it was the same thing as letting him cry in his crib as a baby. We felt terribly, but we also thought it was better than giving him a spanking or yelling at him. After about 30 minutes, he fell asleep behind his door and we moved him to his bed where he slept the whole night soundly.

We've decided to get really picky about our evening routine: whereas I was giving him a bath every other night, he needs to have a bath every night to get into routine, have dinner, have 15 min. of play time, brush his teeth, read a book with me, then go to bed. We were more or less doing that before, but we really need to pay attention now to following the schedule. We are also going to give him a picture of us and teach him that he can use that picture for one 'get out of room for free', kind of as a token, after that, he must stay in his room and if we have to for the first couple of nights, we are going to have to lock the door for him to learn. The neighbors are probably going to call social services on us or something because already, they've complained about Gab throwing one of his terrible two fits.

All we want is a little down time in the evening, to be able to rejuvenate our parenting skills by relaxing a couple hours without the kids. The pediatrician told me to explain this to Gab, that from 9 pm, Gab is no longer in the picture, but a 2 year old can't really comprehend that. We'll see who wins the battle tonight.

Cultural Phrasing

I am selling a stroller on ebay and have put that the buyer has to come and pick up the stroller because there is no way I'm dealing with putting it through the mail. Tonight, someone wrote and asked me the following, and I would just like to point out the cultural difference in the choice of wording:

The American Way (or what it would have been if an American had written the email): I am interested in your stroller but unfortunately live outside of Paris in the South of France. Would you consider shipping the item to me? Thank you.

The French Way (or the actual question): I am interested in your stroller but live in the South of France. Thank you in advance for going to the post office to get some information on how much it would cost to ship it to me.

They like to try their luck, I tell you, and they have no shame for their rather bold questions and do not feel embarrassed when the answer is no and usually become defensive in that case. We'll see if she responds to my "I am sorry but the ebay ad has not changed within the last hour, it is still 'the buyer must come get the item'" Okay, I didn't put that but wanted to. Instead, I just told her that I didn't feel comfortable shipping large items nor did I have the time to get all the necessary info.

The Cloth Diapering station

Our cloth diapering station, originally uploaded by afoos.

A Glimpse of Spring

I've always dreamed of having a superb balcony garden but have never realized that goal because we either lived in an apartment that was shaded and didn't have a balcony or we lived in an apartment that was only temporary. Now that we are in a place where I think we'll be for awhile, this spring I've decided to start putting my plan into action, even if it takes a couple years to build up (these things aren't cheap, you know, and they do take time and planning).

First on the agenda is a beautiful selection of herbs that my sister-in-law gave me for Christmas. Since our apartment might as well be near the equator due to the collective heating, why not put that wasted heat to use and use it to grow greens. The herbs are turning out beautifully, especially the basil, with the exception of the chives that I've had to buy seeds for, and hopefully the new batch will turn out. It's been so warm this week, so they've gotten a little outdoor time when we're at home.

My next project is one for Gab and I to do together, for him to learn how to water seeds and make things grow. One of his favorite words is 'strawberry' as well as his favorite fruit. So, we'll see how this one turns out, but the little pots are strawberries that Gab will water with a tiny watering can I bought him today. In the biggest pot are cherry tomato seeds, which will make a great summer snack. And, the two other pots are the other chive batches, you can never have too much of that. In May I'll add a few flowers to top off my collection this year and who knows, maybe next year I'll be more daring and add some vegetables- did you know that even on a balcony, there are plenty of vegetables that you can cultivate yourself? Happy Spring!

Just another soap box

Okay, time for me to get off on one of my soap boxes again which will, undoubtedly, cause some debate. As we speak, 5 of our friends or family members are pregnant. And, most of them are eager to try nursing and all of them are worried about not being able to nurse. A couple recent blog entries from various friends reiterated the feelings I had when Gab was born, which in turn has caused breastfeeding to be one of my soapboxes.

If I could have had one piece of advice when Gab was born, just one, it would have been "Don't worry if you are having trouble nursing, just do your best and if you want to give up, then rest assured that you need to do what's best for your family and whatever that is, that is the right thing to do." Instead, when, after 3 days of literal hell I decided to ditch the breastfeeding for formula, I got a phone call from a friend while she was out of the country on vacation saying I was doing the wrong thing. The pediatrician said I was doing the wrong thing. The hospital said I was doing the wrong thing. Family members said I was doing the wrong thing. Other various friends said I was doing the wrong thing. As a result, I got hugely complexed about the whole thing and every time I would give Gab the bottle, I would feel guilty and spent 2 months in guilt rather than enjoying my time with Gab. Then, we went on a trip to the US when he was 2 months old and that helped alleviate my guilt because NO ONE, not a single person there felt it was their business to ask whether I was nursing or not nor did they feel the need to comment on my choice for feeding the baby.

With Louise, I sincerely wanted to try and then the more I got towards the end of the pregnancy, the more I kept realizing that the only reason I wanted to try was again, because of the social pressure. So, I sterilized the bottles, bought the formula, and decided only to nurse while in the hospital to avoid a million remarks "Nursing is really better for the baby". And, I can tell you that with the third, we are just going straight to formula right away. I spent three days in pain with huge blisters because Louise wasn't sucking right. Then, the moment we had visitors the nurses asked for me to come to the nursery so that they could observe the way I nursed since Louise wasn't gaining any weight. Call me a selfish mama, but I am not about to sacrifice time with my husband, son and family to spend an hour seeing how much milk Louise is taking, weighing her, observing if I'm breastfeeding the right way when giving her formula would have prevented a situation like that. Some mamas make nursing a 100 percent priority, and that's fabulous, but it just wasn't a priority for me and I felt that in the long run, the social time getting Gab used to his new sister etc... was way more important than the benefits of breastfeeding.

Formula costs way more. You don't lose weight as fast if you bottle feed. Breastfeeding is definitely the most natural thing to do and no one can argue with the benefits versus formula feeding. But, you have to do what's best for you in your situation. I, personally, am very uncomfortable whipping it all out, and it also made our hospital visitors uneasy. Also, the psychological time and effort it took was not worth it to me. I am also not for creating an exclusive bond with the mother, even though that is probably very natural too. Dads, grandparents, and siblings should have equal footing when it comes to feeding time in my standards. The pumping thing demanded too much organization. Also, I liked the freedom to leave the kids with someone a couple hours without having to be home to nurse.

So, for all of those who are pregnant out there, for whatever it's worth, don't feel guilty about the way you choose to feed your newborn. The reason you have the choice is exactly because of that, there are choices out there to adapt to your lifestyle and what suits your needs. The healthiest thing you can do for your baby is to do what is best for YOU, YOUR PARTNER, and THE BABY together.