C'est ma vie

Lack of preparation on your part...

doesn't constitute an emergency on mine.

Ahhhh, one of my favorite sayings from my high-school teachers. Not a year went by when I didn't hear this piece of wisdom, advice, knowledge from at least one of my teachers. Fortunately, I was not usually a part of the public this nice catch phrase was aimed at. I may not be the most organized person, I may not use an agenda or my Iphone's ICal to write down appointments, I may procrastinate way more than I should, but one thing is for certain: I rarely miss a deadline, I usually always get things done as they need to be done, and I am usually not too much in trouble for running behind. I've learned the lesson that you need to try and schedule your time so that in the end you are at least treading water to stay above and not drowning because you've put too much off until the last minute. This isn't to say that I don't wait until the last minute for some things. When I see that there is a deadline that can be put off or even gone past or changed, I usually put it off. But, I get other things done. This means that when I have a moment, I grade papers or read for class or pay bills or try and do something that needs to be done. If I don't take advantage of that time, with our crazy and hectic schedule, I will drown.

Unfortunately, E hasn't quite learned his lesson yet about time managment. In this respect, we are completely opposite. We may have the same principles when it comes to our (un)clean apartment, but when it comes to time management, well, I have to say that I win. In fact, I'm beginning to think that his mom never really taught him about how important it was to manage your time.

Case in point: His grades were due beginning of this week, he still hasn't done them. His enrollment for his PhD was supposed to happen in September, and he is still sitting on the file. The worst about all of this is that he openly says that he's waiting for me to help him with it, to motivate him! This morning, I said 'Hey, mister, I am NOT your mother, you are a big boy and it's up to you to be responsible for your stuff.' We both have major responsibilities and really, I can't take anything else on. I would love to remind him to do it, to sit down and help him, but it's also up to him to say "Hey, could we do that enrollment now" and not me having to push him to do it!

I don't know how many times I wanted to bring up that magical phrase from my high-school teachers this week. By Tuesday, all my grades were in and I have been able to focus on other things a little this week (namely, how I am going to get over being sick again- YES, it's true, I am sick AGAIN with a sore throat AND congested lungs) So, when E complains that he hasn't had time, I have to think to myself, you do have time but you just don't allot your time in the right way. In other words, he procrastinates majorly and just doesn't have any notions of planning his time.

So, lack of preparation on his part doesn't constitute an emergency on mine, for the time being. Get back with me when I've procrastinated so much that I'm in hot water, because it does happen. 

Monday Wake Up

I've been absent from school for basically a week (on a side note, I had another American make a comment to me that they thought it was ridiculous that I got off of work for being sick, almost insinuating that I was morally wrong for doing so...I won't go there because I can get off on a tangent, but morals aren't even an issue here, when you go to the doctor over here and he believes that you need some time off of work to heal, you are given time off, and although my ear is still slightly clogged and I had to return to the doctor again on Friday, I do feel fortunate to have gotten enough time to rest and heal). Okay, so I was off of work for almost a week and I get to school this morning, half asleep, waiting for the nth cup of coffee to kick in, and then I got the hugest wakeup call ever: in my mailbox was a note from the secretary- YOU WILL BE INSPECTED NEXT WEEK!

Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaattttttttttttttt? This caught me WAY off guard. Actually, the inspector was on the premises to inspect two other colleagues and she wanted to inspect me too at the same time. Teachers will tell you that an inspection is a good thing, that it will allow you to be promoted to a higher pay scale (if you do well), etc... In fact, my colleagues seem to want to be inspected. However, I have a problem with this for many reasons (and I'm not one of the lucky ones who will be promoted to a higher pay scale!.)

1/ We all remember my student teaching year where I had to succumb to several inspections that really didn't go down all too well and almost cost me my student teaching year. 2/ I was on maternity leave all last year and am just now getting used to being back in the classroom and they want to throw an inspection on me. 3/ I started teaching at this school a month after school started and I didn't even find out if I was officially going to stay until after the school vacation in October, not to mention there have been a few classes missed because I've been sick or the students have been on field trips. I just haven't had the time to establish something with my students that I would have had if I had been there since the beginning of the year and not a replacement teacher. 

I marched right over to the secretary's office today and told her all of this. She is going to explain it to the inspector, but I have little hope that I'll get out of it. I'm still traumatized by my student teaching year, I suppose, and I know no matter what I do, they just won't be pleased. It's not like in the US where your hierarchy is there to help you and work with you. Here, they are there to lecture you, degrade you, and show their power over you. My English colleagues don't seem to understand why I'm making a big drama about this because it's part of the career, but I suppose it's my American side coming out of me that makes me loathe the idea of being inspected so much- when you are inspected, it's not an adult talking to an adult, it's an adult talking to a pupil, and that's exactly how you are treated, like a child, like a student. 

So, it wasn't exactly a fantastic Monday.

On another subject, I have loaded up on hand sanitizer and have gotten these vitamin immune booster things from the pharmacy, so hopefully things will stay on track for awhile with the health.

Picture of the Day

Never thought I would be into headbands for my baby, originally uploaded by afoos.

I will leave you with this precious image of the day.

Unfortunately, this image is not from today but from Sunday and today was not precious, today was a forecast of this precious one's rebellious future (if she's anything like her sister).

Man, oh, man is Louise going through a phase. I remember when she was 10 months old, like Alice, thinking how easy and sweet and cute and princess like she was...Fast forward to tonight when I was exposed to 45 min. of screaming, high-pitched screaming, crying, throwing her limbs all around the floor (don't even get me started on how that must sound to our neighbors), touching upon notes and tonalities that I didn't even think were possibly human- FYI if there's a choir that needs a really awesome and unique soprano, give me a call, we could do business.

If my friend Beth were reading this, she would say it was because I didn't put princess bow in her hair when she was a baby, and that makes all the difference, because it sure made a difference in my attitude when I was a teenager (inside joke, sorry). So, let's just hope that Alice's new way of doing her hair will keep some of that preciousness, just a little longer!

5 reasons why I'm hating the metro right now

1. Bronchitis

2. Sinusitis

3. Laryngitis

4. Rhinopharyngitis

5. Otitis

Notice that H1N1 is not on that list, but if I don't get vaccinated soon, I am fairly certain that she will also have the honors of making it into the top 10. 

After pondering long and hard over the big "Why"?, "Why in the hell am I sick on average about every 2 weeks, and we're not talking about your every day run of the mill cold, we're talking about things that end in 'itis', things that need heavy medication stronger than Nyquil, things that cause my body, which hasn't had a fever in at least a couple of years, to make the thermometer work overtime. I have intellectualized this question, and even, in a conversation with my mom tonight, pondered in depth with her over the issue because, geez, let's face it, I've been sick more in the past 2 months than Gab and Louise combined in their first 3 years of life. And, we came up with this answer: the metro.

My rationale comes to this: the last time I even came close to being sick this often (and even then, it doesn't come close to now), was my first year in France, when I was getting used to taking the metro. I had an hour long train ride out to my first job. I got sick in October and then at Christmas time that year and again in February. In the years after that, I either had very short jaunts (not more than 15 min.) in the train or I took the car. In fact, when Gab was born and I started taking him to my company's daycare and then going to work, it was car all the way. My student teaching year, I took the metro 3 stations only 3 days a week or walked twice a week. Besides the normal, harmless cold, or the tonsilitis I got once when Gab was 15 months old, I really haven't been sick much over the past years. And here, 4 times since September. At first, I thought maybe it was my exposure to the 'real world' after being cooped up in our apartment on maternity leave last winter and not having exposure to those normal winter viruses. Then, I thought it was maybe my exposure to my students, but that can't be the reason because the only constant in all of this is that I've been a teacher since coming to France and therefore always exposed to masses of people in a classroom setting. So, my final conclusion is that my 5 day a week, hourlong, 3 metro changes trajectory to and from work, not to mention the metro hopping I do one day a week to go to my university classes, all of that increases the probability of ugly germ exposure. Exposure that I really haven't had much over the past 8 years, besides that first year, but even then, I didn't change metro lines 5 times (I think just that fact alone increases the probability of catching something nasty)

So, THIS TIME, just after getting over BRONCHITIS THAT I THOUGHT WAS H1N1 BUT IT WASN'T 3 weeks ago, it started out as a silly cold or maybe the back leg of that bout of bronchitis? Who knows? But, I really thought it was only 'in my head', not as in hypochondriac worrying 'in my head', but as in not in my lungs, only in my nose. My throat itched, I sneezed, my nose ran some clear stuff about a week and a half ago. About a week ago, my ears started plugging and I noticed that my hearing capacities were not all there. But, I would yawn and my ears would clear and it would go away. Two days ago, I noticed this weird squeezing feeling and popping sound in my left ear when I blew my nose. Last night, my left ear was completely plugged and yawning didn't help. I also couldn't even understand my students in my late afternoon class, my hearing was very muffled, and they caught on and took advantage of that. I decided to probably go in to see a doc today, but would kind of wait it out last night to see if things improved. I spent a hellish night with an ear full of pressure, full of burning pain. Today I took off work and thought that I would definitely be back tomorrow. Wrong.

Not only do I have a double middle and outer ear infection, I have bronchitis and rhinopharyngitis, leaning on sinusitis. The doc was very shocked, when looking at my ear, that my ear drum hadn't ruptured yet. I've got about 5 drops to put in the ear, an oral dose of antibiotics, plus two types of cortisone treatments. He took me off of work for the rest of the week. And, I'm unhappy to report that my ear has not improved. At. All. Today. Still all plugged, although a little less painful. Those whatever they are that are supposed to help unplug it better damn well kick in soon because all that liquid in there is making me a little nauseous, like a little first trimester type of feeling nauseous (NO I'M NOT PREGNANT! I just have to have a comparison because that's the only other time in my life where I've felt this nauseous). Besides that, I'm feeling okay, not great, but okay, definitely better than I did with bout 3 of bronchitis (bouts 1 and 2 having been 'lighter' cases as well, although bout 1 did cause me to lose my voice).

And, all I know is, this crap better end soon because I'm tired of being sick every 2 weeks. My mom, in all seriousness, suggested I wear a mask on the metro. I almost laughed out loud at that suggestions (thinking, in my old teenage kind of attitude sort of way, "I'm not going to look like an idiot") Then again, maybe she's onto something.

Long story short...

we're getting our car!

After a nearly 3 month battle with our insurance (it's considered an 'accident' that comprehensive insurance will cover), E is finally on the road now, driving back from Scotland.

Basically, it went like this: insurance WAY underestimated our car (it's worth 10,000, they were putting it at 5,000). Their argument was that replacing the engine would cost more than the car was worth (yeah, at the price they were putting our car anything would cost more!). Wait a minute- the engine? Why do we need to replace the engine? We weren't even sure the engine was completely damaged- when we left the car, it was the oil tank with a big hole from a rock. Sure, we drove about a mile on little or no oil, but we in no way knew if the engine was shot. Anyway, it took 3 months for them to reevaluate our car, and for us to agree on a settlement- they 'total' the car, give us the money and then we can get it fixed at our own expense. Since the car is in England, we can 'total' it and get it fixed and still keep it insured in FrancE. I know, it's complicated. So, we got a check for 5600 euros. The mechanic in Timbuktu, Scotland was able to patch the hole with his fine machinery (something that could have been done 3 months ago), he has been running the car the whole week to make sure the engine is okay, and it's fine! So, for 200 euros + E's travel expenses (about 200), our car is 'fixed' (we are going to have a mechanic look at it here in France), and we have a little money to spare. 3 months for that. All I know is, when he brings that car back with all our stuff, it's going to feel like an early Xmas (think a WHOLE HUGE BAG of knitting yarn!!!!, clothes we haven't seen in months...) One thing I will mention is HOW NICE and HONEST the mechanic has been. He not only did the repair, he filled our car up with gas, he cleaned and vaccummed as well. E and I both said that even in the remotest of towns in France, you wouldn't find that type of mechanic. We brought him a box of chocolate as a gift.

I am just hoping E makes it home safely without any trouble. 

So, we've been having a low key weekend. Actually, any weekend is low key since we've started working. The weekends mean one thing: RELAX. Our weeks are so crazy that we really want to spend time as a family vegging out on the weekends. Gab had a bday party yesterday at one of his best friend's, and Louise crashed it. When we showed up to drop Gab off (a friend pointed out that in the US, parents stay at parties and here the parents leave and then come get their kids and stay for a little cake and a drink), Louise, in typical Louise fashion, started to take off her coat. I told her that it was Gab's party and that we were going to leave. The mom, who is this sweet, sweet woman from Ecuador (their son speaks fluent Spanish and Italian because his dad is Italian!), said "Oh, she can stay too, Alessandro knows Louise too." So, she crashed the party. And, they got gobs and gobs of candy in 'Speedairmann' bags (they pronounce it the French way), and they were on a sugar high the rest of the night. 

AS for me, well, I've got a cold (AGAIN). This is the third time I've been sick since going back to school, and I am reminded of the first time I came to Paris to live in 2001- I was sick literally the whole winter because my immune system just wasn't used to being on the metro or in the big city. I guess on maternity leave, I was cooped up in our apartment and didn't catch all those winter viruses last year, so my body needs to get adjusted again. That's the only explanation I can come up with, but I'm getting really tired of it. Anyone have any natural remedies to boost the immune system?

Alice is on the mend, she's feeling better, but still congested and wheezing a little. I'm going to try and convince our doctor that she needs to see a specialist, but you have to be diplomatic about these things.

Going off to knit a little now- I'm on a knitting kick and making the kids some hats...

Alice in Sickland

Again. Gab and Louise were never sick, besides the common cold once in awhile, but our little Alice is a different story. About every two weeks, she wheezes. As soon as she has the slightest sign of a runny nose, bam, the wheezing starts, almost instantly. The weird thing, is that most of the time she doesn't have a fever, most of the time it doesn't affect her sleeping and eating patterns, and most of the time, besides the awful wheezing noise coming from her lungs, she shows no signs of discomfort- her nostrils don't flair up, she doesn't turn blue or show that she's lacking oxygen. So, we've kind of told ourselves it's normal and she'll grow out of it. 

The daycare didn't really start to worry until a week ago, when her wheezing started to become more noticeable. I reassured them that she has gone through this since she was born and that because she didn't have a fever or show any signs of being sick (besides the wheezing), she was fine. The pediatrician from the daycare examined her and called me and said that she thought Alice was showing signs of 'restricted airway syndrome', or baby asthma and wanted me to get it checked out with our doctor and get started on a more long term treatment that had cortizone in it to open her lungs.

So, I made an appointment with the doc, he examined her, put her on the short term inhaler (the one used to help her breathe when she's wheezing, but not a long term solution), but said that it's too early to put her on a long term breathing treatment. I left the office unsatisfied. I'm not too much in over medicating our children to help them get better, but I did feel that Alice needed a deeper treatment because she's been going through this since she was 2 months old. So, we came home, I laid Alice down for a nap, and when she woke up, she was burning. I took her temp: 103.5. I knew that we had some further complications and needed to call the on-call doctor's service that sends a doctor who makes house calls. He took one look at her lungs (or, one listen) and put her straight away on an inhaler that she'll have to take the whole winter. He also gave her another medication with cortizone and prescribed massage therapy for a couple days. He said that it was RSV, or a reaction to a common cold and that because she had had numerous bouts of similar illnesses, we can consider that her lungs are very sensitive and through the winter she would need a breathing treatment.

Finally, I thought things would be on the mend. She spent all day yesterday without a fever, although she wasn't herself. She was still wheezing, but since she's on about 5 medications, I thought that it was normal and that she was going to get better. She went back to daycare today because she hasn't had a fever since Wednesday. After my last class of the day, I got a call saying that Alice was really not breathing well and that they were going to administer her inhaler. They said no need to come pick her up unless I wanted to, but that my doctor needed to write a medical certificate stating that Alice is in need of a long term asthma treatment. When I went to pick her up, they said she just had an awful day, crying, which is unlike her, not eating as much, and she was still wheezing heavily. I kind of got upset at that point and said "I don't know what to do, she's seen two doctors in the past 2 days, and the wheezing is still there, I think I'm going to have to take her to the ER this weekend if it doesn't clear up because I just don't know what to do to get her the right treatment and fast." They calmed me down and suggested that I go see a specialist, one who could really give us some in-depth tests.

I think that's what we are going to do in the near future. The problem is that our doctor, who is a general practitioner who specializes in pediatrics, thinks Alice is too young to send her to see a specialist, that we don't have sufficient reason quite yet. I don't want to go behind his back, he is great and knows our family, and I need a letter from him to get fully reimbursed if I go see a specialist, so I'm going to have to do this very diplomatically.

Until then, I'm just hoping Alice will get better. It's only the beginning of the winter season and it's already hitting her hard. We are hoping to be on the priority list for the H1N1 flu shot so that she can get vaccinated before we leave for the US. It's funny how different kids are- I don't know how many times Gab and Louise lick random things (like the windows in the metro, I know, it's nastily disgusting and they get in trouble when they do) or eat their boogers after being at the germ infested school the whole day, but they never get sick, or if they do, it passes off as a slight runny nose. Alice, on the other hand, just has to look at someone with a cold to get one. Hopefully, her immune system will improve with age, and I'm crossing my fingers that this asthma thing will also grow out of her.

Uber sensitivity

I've known for a long time that E is overly hyperly uberly sensitive. Meaning, on days like today (I'll get to what today was like here in a few), I saw it coming from ten miles away, I should have paid way more attention to him. The problem is, in the absence of the two older kids (they are at their mamie's until Wed.), and in the feeling of ultimate disappointment of how I spent this vacation (meaning, getting about a tenth done of what I actually wanted to do), I really coveted a day ALONE. By ALONE I mean a day where I organize how I spend it completely and entirely. This might be the reason why I tiptoed around the apartment this morning as E was sleeping in, hushing Alice when she would cry, hoping, praying to the sleeping gods, that E would just stay asleep just a little while longer so that I could finish getting those e-bay sales up, so that I could grade some papers, so that I could knit a few rows... because I knew when he woke up, that the day wouldn't be mine any longer.

It all started in what I've called the signature 'pace' and 'gaze'. E is a big thinker, always thinking about something, so when I see him walking around the apartment, pacing randomly, stopping, and then pausing to gaze and think, I just knew we were headed for trouble. The pace and gaze usually signifies that E wants to indulge in conversation and lots of it. I don't know if it's an American vs. French thing or what, but I don't feel that Americans are bred to talk in the same manner that the French are. And, if it is a cultural thing, then I am really, really off the charts because I really, really am not a huge conversationalist. I can be. Don't get me wrong. But, I have to feel that the convo is going somewhere, that it has a goal, a meaning, something to achieve, not just for the darn sake of talking. And, I do feel sorry for E that I just don't enjoy the art of talking to talk. Because he sure does, really does. And, today, of all days, I just didn't really want to open my mouth much. 

Another thing I've learned with E is that, like a child, he needs something to occupy his time, he needs to be thinking or talking all the time. That's why, I have to admit, that his game was a little bit of a relief in the beginning because on days like today when he would want to spend the whole day talking and being together 100 percent of the time when I would have other stuff to do 50 percent of that time like feeding a newborn or taking care of kids or sleeping after not getting any sleep, his game would occupy him so that I could do those other things without really feeling guilty. Or, when his uncle calls and they talk about family stuff, I know that I can guiltlessly have that time to do what I need or want. Or, when E is sleeping. But, today, his occupation was involved in talking and I know that he needed me there 100 percent of the time and if he saw me on the computer or grading papers or sewing, his sensitivity took over and he got upset. (This is when I reminded him that, even though I do agree with him and spent WAY too much time on the computer today and that there are more constructive things to do with my time, this summer he basically left his family for a stupid computer game that almost ruined us, so I don't think he has grounds to talk... that did put the lid on the talking for a few seconds at least). But, there were times today when I did make an effort to stop what I was doing, talk to E, etc... I made us a nice dinner, things were fine despite the few mini-crises where I heard throughout the day "All you do is want to be left in your bubble, I am here, alone, to fend for myself, we might as well be in separate apartments" And, I have to give him credit for being right, I was in a bubble a lot of the day, but he was a little warned. I'm an introvert at heart and have days like this, what can I say. And, can I just say that nothing is more annoying to an introvert than to be doing something in my own little world and having constant talking the whole day? I do love my husband, but again, I am an introvert and need some non-talking quiet sometimes. 

Anyway, despite the couple of outbursts from sensitivity (E takes it very personally when I don't pay as much attention as I should to his musings), things were quickly patched over and E proposed that we go to a restaurant tomorrow night. Was I hearing these words correctly? We decided to try a Lebanese restaurant in Boulogne, within walking distance from our place. But, I didn't hold my breath because every single time we make plans to go out to eat, they are foiled by a mini-drama. At heart, E really hates going out to eat, really, really despises it, so if he says he wants to go out, it really means he's making an effort for me. If he no longer wants to make an effort, then we won't go out.

Well, I feel that we could have the makings of a mini-drama. See, E asked if I wanted to watch Desperate Housewives tonight. I said "yes", in awhile. Because I'm SO behind on Xmas projects because I was supposed to work on them this week while E was supposed to be gone, I really wanted to work on one a little this evening. So, I proceeded to work, called E to come look at it to ask his opinion about a color scheme, try to get him involved in my bubble (I was making an effort, people, which is not always easy for me when I'm in a bubble mood like I was today). Everything is fine. He goes back to his computer, I proceed to do just a tiny thing that I had intended to do before watching and E comes out and says "What? I thought we were supposed to watch DH? It's like I have to force you or something." I told him I just wanted to finish cutting a square then I was ready to watch...let me just grab a drink and bam, E said he felt like he was forcing me like he has been the whole day, he was no longer going to watch DH. He was just watching it because of me but that he really didn't want to in the first place and since he had to force me, it wasn't worth it, that my obsessional sewing (that I had been working on for a grand total of 10 min.) was more important, that 'me' time was more important. 

It really is fatiguing, all of these mini-dramas, but I've learned to have a humoristic view of the whole thing. Of course, what I view as mini-dramas, Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde moments due to uber-sensitivity issues, E believes I'm brushing everything off as him getting upset yet again rather than acknowledging that there is a real problem with my introverted behavior. Hmmmm, a philosophical question in the makings: is it ethical to ask an introvert to be more extroverted? Should I be making more of an effort to go out of that shell, out of my comfort zone on days when I'm only really comfortable being in a bubble? How much of the 'me' to you abandon for the 'us'?

In any case, the jury is still out about the restaurant proposition...crossing my fingers that both E and I will be able to enjoy some Lebanese tomorrow night in each others' company...hoping that Mr. Hyde will make his appearance again tomorrow (he's the nice one, right?).

About as close as we got...

About as close as we'll get..., originally uploaded by afoos.

Halloween saddened me this year. What is one of my best childhood memories walking from our house to my grandparents and collecting candy along the way and then getting to hang out at my grandparents' later than bedtime, my kids will never experience.

I didn't really care about Halloween, or the lack of, until the kids started coming of age. Last year we went to the American Library's Halloween party, but then I decided never again- it was SO crowded we couldn't even move. This year, the whole Halloween holiday crept up on me and all of the sudden, it was time. I had planned on doing some research to find a place for the kids to go trick or treating, but then it seemed that time went by too fast and I didn't have time.

So, this is the closest they got- a party at their school day camp they attended last week. Gab was supposed to be Davy Crockett, but he left his costume at his mamie's, Louise was supposed to be a cow girl but changed her mind at the last minute, and then they threw a fit that morning because well, I don't remember why. So, the spirit just wasn't there. Gab did get his face painted and they made masks and ate lots of candy, but most of the kids weren't dressed up and they still didn't get to go trick or treating.

Like Thanksgiving, which I am making our own family tradition and have always made an effort to celebrate, I would love for them to look forward to Halloween each year. Our French friends with children simply don't celebrate Halloween and I was a little too shy to go knocking on doors in our building.

I am hoping the small village where we'll be buying our house will have some sort of trick or treating (sometimes in the smaller towns in France they do that sort of thing), or maybe I could be a leader instead of a follower for once and start something? A town trick or treating event? All I know is, our new house with the orchard in the back would be the perfect setting for a Halloween shindig, maybe next year...

A Flop

Well, our first week of vacation is coming to an end. In two hours, we go get the kids and then we take them to E's mom's this weekend. After that, only Monday, Tuesday, Wed. and it's back to school and the crazy rush and routine. Actually, I kind of strike off Tuesday because Alice and I have Dr. appointments, to really we only have Monday and Wednesday left.

Let's see what I wanted to do during the vacation: grade papers, read for my class, organize my classes a little more, sew a lot, knit, organize a little around here and relax. Most of the vacation I consider a flop because most of those things didn't get done. I chalk it up to the fact that I really didn't start feeling better from that whole bronchitis thing until yesterday, so I was much less productive. But, I also chalk it up to the fact that it's just impossible to manage my time how I want when E is around. I know it's selfish, but I was really disappointed when his uncle canceled the whole trip to work on his family genealogy stuff. The little time I have for myself is usually reserved for after the kids go to bed and by then, I'm so tired that I just want to go to bed. I was really looking forward to having 'me' time this week, but that's just impossible with E here. Why? Well, no matter how much I try and change his mind, he feels that my hobbies should be reserved for the 'me' time at night and not during our time during the day when we could be productive doing other things. Problem is, I'm just too tired then to do anything. Every time this week I've sat down to do something like read or sew, E says 'Andie, I thought we were going to be working on our house, this is our last vacation before we'll have the house, we need to get moving.' I totally agree with this statement, but I really didn't see the need to have that as our one and only priority. It ended up being a clash of priorities and then it got that if I did anything else besides working on the house and planning our upcoming move, I would feel guilty. Yesterday I was on Facebook and E walked in and I felt as if I had gotten caught with my hand in the cookie jar. I wasn't supposed to be on my computer, I was supposed to be 'working.' At the same time, I felt worry for E because he really was trying to get us both motivated to work on the house and somewhere I really think he needs to feel like he's accomplished something to feel good and he doesn't feel good right now because he feels like we've done nothing to get prepared for buying this house. If we're both on the same page, we can be really productive, if we're not, well, we both end up being very aimless- E needs motivation from me and since I usually am trying to sneak in a couple rows of knitting, or some sewing, or checking the computer instead of motivating him and us to work on the stuff that should be worked on together (and all the while feeling guilty about it so not really getting anything done myself), we have ended up walking in circles this week. Had E been gone, 10 times as much would have been accomplished. I would have made time for everything in blocks of time. Anyway, I'm not too happy about the whole thing and how we ended up spending our vacation. Still have to read for class. Still have papers to grade and the sewing, oh my, I haven't gotten nearly as much in as I had hoped. The daycare will be closed November 30 and A and I will be hanging out at home that day, so hopefully I can get some stuff in then. And, I'll just have to force myself at night despite the fatigue.

But, one good thing that has come out of this vacation is: I am going to the US in February! It was an idea that had been at the back of my mind. Then, we got all into the house thing and I knew that our whole family wouldn't be able to make it over there for another couple of years. I also thought we'd be spending most of our school vacations at the house. A couple days ago I was a little down because I have my brothers and sister and sIL in the US, lots of good friends and connections that I feel I'm missing here, and we can Skype all we want, but it still doesn't give us hours to sit and talk or hang out. I was telling this to E yesterday and he said "Why don't you go back to the US? One plane ticket we can come up with the money for, it's just 5 that we can't afford" Since Alice is still basically a free trip, she and I will be traveling at the end of February for a week and a half. I am really looking forward to this, getting to see my siblings and stay with them, getting to do the things that I can't always do when it's the whole fam traveling and seeing lots of friends. We paid a little more for the plane ticket than I would have liked, but I know it will be worth it and I can't think of a better way of spending vacation than in Tulsa with all the people I love!  

Another Xmas gift done

Another Xmas gift done, originally uploaded by afoos.

I'm really trying to be productive this week, but it's hard when both E and I have felt under the weather, getting over being sick.

I did manage to make this bag yesterday for my super cool niece, Aurélie. I really like how it turned out, even though I feel like I did kind of a sloppy job.

Going to try and get some more sewing in today, along with cleaning the house. I can't believe the school vacation is half over (boo hoo!). If I got anything from it, it was relaxing time, lots of naps and cuddling with the kids, so that was worth it, but it sure would be nice going into the next stressful 6 weeks with a clean house.